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Cojyry^t  1903  Q&U)  K' 

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Pauline  Pbelp$’$  Pieces 

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Publishecl  Excltisively  by  the  EDGAR  S*  WERNER  PUB.  & SUPPLY  CO.  (Inc.) 
43-45  East  1 9th  Street^  New  York 


AS  THE  MOON  ROSE.  Recitation.  Revolutionary  War.  8 min.  Girl  makes  perilous, 
horse-back  ride  to  carry  pardon  for  lover  unjustly  condemned  as  spy. 

AUNT  ELNORA'S  HERO.  Monologue.  Comedy.  10  min.  Girl.  Ten-year  old  girl 

tells  how  she,  by  dressing  up  in  sheet  and  jack-o’-lantern  head,  scares  man  her  old-maid 
aunt  thinks  a hero  and  wants  to  marry. 

AUNT  SARAH  ON  BICYCLES.  Monologue.  Comedy.  10  min.  Woman.  Elderly 

maiden  lady  tells  how  niece  and  son  of  a neighbor  with  whom  she  has  been  at  odds  run  off 
on  a tandem  and  get  married,  followed  in  a wagon  by  herself  and  the  father,  and  how  the 
ride  leads  to  their  becoming  engaged. 

BIFF  PERKINS’S  TOBOGGAN  SLIDE.  Monologue.  Comedy.  10  min.  Boy. 

Boy  gets  old-maid  aunt  and  a professor  on  his  sled  ana  an  upset  leads  to  matrimony.  “ A 
sled  and  a boy  and  a custard  pie  make  an  awful  good  combination.” 

COOK,  THE.  Monologue.  Comedy.  10  min.  Woman.  Cook  costume.  Irish 
dialect.  Cook,  directed  by  mistress  not  to  open  door  for  callers,  follows  instructions  when, 
at  night,  a cat  is  raising  a terrible  rumpus  in  the  dining-room,  upsetting  various  things, 
racket  bringing  in  police.  ^ , tot 

FIRETOWN^S  NEW  SCHOOLHOUSE.  Monologue.  Comedy.  12  min.  Woman. 

Deacon’s  wife  tells  how  neighborhood  assembles  to  vote  whether  it  shall  have  new  school- 
house.  After  an  exciting  time,  the  first  b.allot  being  a tie,  she  slips  out  and  bribes  ” Hermit 
Jim”  to  rush  in  and  vote  for  a new  schoolhouse. 

HER  CUBAN  TEA.  Monologue.  Comedy.  10  min.  Woman.  Hostess,  being  disap- 

pointed  by  grocer  serves  strong  cider  to  afternoon-tea  guests,  calling  it  “Cuban  tea. 
They  all  get  lively 

HOW  MR.  SIMONSON  TOOK  CARE  OF  THE  BABY.  Recitation.  Com.  10  min. 

A father  claims  he  can  tend  baby  without  half  the  fuss  made  by  mother.  He  undertakes  lo 
quiet  it  and  slaps  child  who  shrieks.  After  many  vain  attempts  he  is  compelled  to  hand 
child  back  to  mother,  to  amusement  of  depot  spectators. 

TOLLY  BRICK,  A.  Monologue.  Pathos.  8 min.  Boy.  Bowery  bootblack  tells  story 
of  his  chum,  a jolly  brick, “ who  died  in  a fire  to  save  the  life  of  a “ little  cove  he  looked  out 
for.”  Full  of  interest  and  pathos. 

TUST  COMMONPLACE.  Recital.  Patriotic.  10  min.  In  colloquial  language,  the  self- 

depreciating  narration  about  a real  hero  at  Antietam,  who  could  play  only  one  tune--'  1 he 
Star  Spangled  Banner  ”— on  the  fife,  but  that  saved  the  day.  Patriotic,  pathetic  and  full  of 
heart  interest 

MIDNIGHT  COURTSHIP.  Play.  1 Act.  Im.,  2f.,  or  Monologue.;  Comedy.  10  min. 

Young  lawyer,  annoyed  bv  adverse  newspaper  criticism  and  fearful  ot  having  lost  his  faibt 
case  and  s A^eetheart,  is  made  happy  by  her  unexpected  appearance  at  midnight  in  hoarding- 
house  parlor  and  by  her  a nouncing  him  as  her  fiance,  to  prevent  talk  of  landlad}^  and 
boarders. 

MINISTER'S  BLACK  NANCE.  Recitation.  Horse-race.  10  mm.  Crowd  at  country 

fair  horse-race  is  shocked  to  see  minister’s  horse  enter  race  and  to  learn  that,  instead  ot  min- 
ister's son,  the  minister's  daughter  is  the  driver,  and  wins  the  race.  , r - 

OLD  BENEDICT  ARNOLD.  Recitation.  Tragic.  Revolutionary  War.  ^ 15  mm. 

Yankee  dialect.  Granduncle  of  Benedict  Arnold  boasts  of  bravery  ot  the  young  hero_,  and 
gives  spirited  description  of  battle  of  Saratoga.  Benedict  Arnold ’s  turned  traitor  is  the 
postrider’s  news  that  interrupts,  and  the  old  man  burns  his  quondam  hero  in  effigy  and 
himself  leaps  into  the  fire.  . t-.  j.  j.  j iiz 

ROSALIND'S  SURRENDER.  Monologue.  Patriotism.  Romance.  Illustrated.  JO 

min.  ^^oman.  A Virginia  girl,  whose  ancestors  fought  for  the  Stars  and  Stripes,  waves 
the  Union  flag  as  her  Union  lover  goes  by. 

LIST  OF  PAULINE  PHELPS'S  PIECES  CONTINUED  ON  THIRD  COVER  PAGE. 


A Story  of  Hard  Times, 


■By  TA.VLIME  THELTS. 


Copyright,  1903,  by  Edgar  S.  Werner. 

OF  course,  ye  read  about  it  in  the  papers,  sir;  an’  may 
be  ye’ve  imagined  how  the  workin’  class  felt  about 
the  hard  times ; but  I tell  ye,  there  can’t  no  imaginin’  nor 
newspapers  nor  hearsay — nothin’  but  jest  havin’  been  there 
yerself  can  make  ye  realize  the  feelin’  that  comes  over  a man 
when  he  walks  up  to  git  his  Saturday  night  pay,  an’  in  the 
envelope  is  a slip  sayin’  the  force  must  be  cut  down  an’  he 
won’t  be  needed  there  any  more. 

It  don’t  so  much  matter  if  he’s  alone  in  the  world,  but  it 
generally  happens  he  ain’t.  An’  when  I read  that  slip,  the 
first  thing  I thought  wa’n’t  about  gittin’  another  place,  or 
bein’  disappointed  myself,  but  the  way  my  wife  would  look 
when  I broke  the  news  to  her.  There  was  the  little  girl  too. 

I tell  ye,  sir,  I never  had  many  chances,  an’  my  wife’s 
education  ain’t  much  to  boast  of,  either;  but  we  talked  it 
over  between  us,  an’  made  up  our  minds  our  Nell  should 
have  a show,  go  through  the  high  school  an’  through  college, 
too,  if  she  wanted,  an’  keep  on  jest  as  long  as  we  was  able  to 
work  for  her. 

“Never  mind,”  says  my  wife.  “You  .ought  to  git  another 
place,  an’  if  ye  don’t,  the  shops  will  start  up  in  a week  or 
two,  an’  a little  vacation  will  do  ye  good.” 

I wa’n’t  so  sure  about  the  shops  startin’  up,  but  I’d  al- 
ways held  that  a strong,  able-bodied  man,  that  kep’  away 
from  rum,  could  find  work  somewhere;  an’  the  next  Mon- 
day mornin’  I started  out  to  look  for  it.  I tried  the  machine- 
' shops  first.  They  was  all  runnin’  short,  an’  some  of  them 
jest  laughed  when  I asked  for  a job. 

“Ye’re  the  seventh  that’s  been  here  this  mornin’,”  one  boss 


‘2 


A STORY  OF  HARD  TIMES 


said.  What  do  ye  suppose  we  want  of  you  when  we  canh 
keep  our  own  hands  employed 

i imes  was  hard,  I knew,  an’  that  wa’n’t  much  mpre  than 
i expected  but  I hadn’t  reckoned  on  gittin’  the  same  an- 
swer at  every  other  place.  I wa’n’t  particular  after  a while. 
I tried  them  all, — grocery  stores  an’  butcher  shops  an’  ex- 
pressman s an  wood  yards.  An’  every  time  I come  home 
my  wife  would  ask,  meanin’  to  make  her  voice  sound  as  if 
she  wa  n t much  concerned : “Well,  did  ye  find  any  work  to- 
day? An  I d answer,  cheerful  as  I could,  because  of  little 
Nell  talcin’  in  every  word : 

“No,  didn’t  seem  to  git  along  very  well  to-day.  Presume, 
likely,  I’ll  strike  somethin’  to-morrow.” 

But  the  next  day  things  would  go  on  jest  the  same,  an’  I be- 
gun to  feel  discouraged.  We  hadn’t  much  laid  by.  I’d  taken 
out  a three-thousand-dollar  life-insurance,  in  case  anything 
should  happen;  but  when  times  are  prosperous  folks  git  into 
the  notion  of  thinkin’  they’re  goin’  to  continue  that  wav  an’ 
spendin’  the  money  as  it  comes.  An’  there  was  the  rent  to 
pay,  the  same  as  if  I was  to  work.  An’  the  grocer  sent  in 
word  he’d  got  to  have  the  cash  hereafter.  I pawned  my 
watch — a silver  -ne,  but  it  brought  a little — an’  the  ring  I 
gave  my  wife  once  for  her  birthday,  an’  a locket  of  little 
Nell’s.  An’  one  night  ye  might  have  seen  me  sneakin’  out 
of  the  back  door  with  my  winter  overcoat  done  up  in  a 
bundle;  an’  another  time  it  was  my  wife’s  silk  dress,  an’  then 
the  rug  from  the  parlor.  Always  at  night,  though;  for,  how- 
ever poor  a man  gits,  it  hurts  his  pride  to  have  his  neighbors 
know  he  ain’t  had  foresight  to  provide  for  a day  like  this. 

Ye  remember  that  hot  spell  we  had  the  last  part  of  July? 
I come  home  one  of  them  days  when  I’d  been  lookin’  for 
work,  to  find  Nell  lyin’  on  the  sofy  with  hardly  strength  to 
raise  her  head ; an’  then  my  wife  let  on  she’d  been  sort  of 
ailin’  for  a week  or  two,  but  made  her  promise  not  to  tell, 
because  papa  would  want  to  get  her  a doctor,  an’  she  was 
sure  he  couldn’t  afford  it.  There  was  jest  two  dollars  in 


A STORY  OF  HARD  TIMES 


3 


my  pocket,  but  she  had  that  doctor  in  less  than  half  an  hour. 
He  laughed  an’  told  her  he  guessed  she’d  been  playin’  too  hard, 
an’  a little  medicine  would  make  her  all  right ; but  when  he 
got  me  out  in  the  hall  he  sobered  down. 

“I  find  considerable  trouble  with  the  heart,”  says  he ; “no 
settled  disease,  but  she  seems  much  run  down.  Has  she 
been  frettin’  over  anything?  Anything  on  her  mind?” 

I told  him  I was  out  of  work,  an’  I presumed  she  was 
botherin’  about  that. 

“Oh,  yes ; she  sees  you  lookin’  gloomy,  I suppose,  an’  it 
reacts  on  her.  Now  I am  goin’  to  speak  plainly  with  ye. 
Cheerfulness  is  one  thing  yer  daughter  must  have.  Send  her 
into  the  country  for  a month ; or,  if  ye  can’t  afford  to  do 
that,  keep  her  from  frettin’  about  things  she  can  not  help. 
As  for  the  hard  times,  most  people  are  worryin’  themselves 
unnecessarily.  Business  will  be  in  full  swing  again  by  the 
middle  of  October.  Good  day.” 

I stood  there  an’  looked  after  him,  an’  wondered  what  dif- 
ference it  would  make  what  happened  by  the  middle  of  Oc- 
tober, if  a man  couldn’t  see  his  way  clear  to  livin’  through 
August. 

I went  down  to  look  for  work  again  that  afternoon.  I 
tried  the  barrooms  this  time,  an’  the  livery-stables,  an’  tried 
to  get  a job  sweepin’  streets;  an’  when  all  that  failed,  I set 
down  on  a curbstone  an’  looked  at  the  people  ridin’  by  in 
their  carriages,  an’  wondered  if  ’twas  the  way  the  Lord  in- 
tended it,  that  some  should  have  ^erything  an’  others  noth- 
in’ ; an’  almost  scared  myself  with  the  curses  that  kep’  corn- 
in’ into  my  mind,  when  I thought  how  easy  it  would  have 
been  for  them  to  help  me — an’  they  wouldn’t. 

About  four  o’clock,  as  I was  slouchin’  along  the  street,  I 
heard  the  fire-bell  ring;  an’  the  next  minute  the  engines  come 
puffin’  through  the  street.  There  was  a crowd  of  boys,  an’ 
women  with  shawls  over  their  heads,  an’  men ; an’  I followed 
with  the  rest.  The  fire  was  in  a barn,  an’  by  the  time  the  en- 
gines got  there  the  downstairs  was  a solid  mass  of  smoke. 


il,  OF  iLL  U8. 


4 


A STORY  OF  HARD  TIMES 


I asked  a man  if  the  horses  were  all  out,  an’  when  he  said 
“Yes,”  stood  an’  watched  the  firemen  fix  on  the  hose.  Jest 
as  the  water  begun  to  play,  a woman  standin’  near  give  a cry. 

“Oh,”  says  she,  “see  that  little  dog  lookin’  out  of  the  window  ! 
There  upstairs !” 

He  was  a little  yellow,  half-starved  thing,  an’  he  stood  an’ 
pawed  at  the  glass  as  if  he  knew  his  only  chance  was  to  break 
it  an’  jump. 

“It’s  jest  a stray  dog,”  says  a hostler.  “Followed  some- 
body up  there,  I s’pose,  an’  got  the  doors  shut  on  him.  Poor 
duffer !” 

A girl  about  as  big  as  Nell  commenced  to  cry. 

“Oh,”  she  says,  “can’t  somebody  git  ’im  out?  The  fire 
hasn’t  caught  in  that  room  at  all  yet.  See  ’im  look!  He’s, 
thinkin’  some  of  us  could  run  up  an’  unfasten  the  door,  only 
we  won’t.  Please,  mister,  can’t  you — ?” 

An’  I started.  It  might  have  been  jest  her  sayin’  it,  but 
it  seemed  to  me  that  dog  had  the  same  thought  in  his  mind  as 
I’d  had  when  I sit  and  watched  the  people  go  by  in  their 
carriages.  In  gen’ral.  I’m  an  every-day,  common-sense  man, 
an’  hold  a man’s  life,  with  a wife  an’  child  dependin’  on  him, 
too  precious  to  be  risked  for  the  sake  of  a mongrel  yellow  dog. 
But  jest  for  that  minute  it  seemed  the  little  critter  had  a soul, 
like'  folks ; an’  I took  one  long  breath  an’  started  in  to  save 
it.  The  smoke  was  so  thick  I couldn’t  see  the  stairs.  I stumbled 
over  ’em,  an’  then  climbed  up  on  my  hands  an’  knees ; an’  when 
I got  to  the  top  I remember  thinkin’  I wouldn’t  ever  live  to  git 
back.  But  it  was  a little  clearer  in  the  room  where  the  dog 
was,  an’  as  soon  as  I opened  the  door  the  little  thing  seemed 
to  know  what  I come  for,  an’  give  a run  right  into  my  arms. 

I broke  a winder  with  my  fist  an’  got  a taste  of  fresh  air, 
an’  then  started  back,  a-gropin’  my  way  down  the  stairs,  blind 
an’  dizzy  an’  gaspin’,  an’  ’most  givin’  up  at  the  last,  till  I felt 
a breath  not  quite  so  thick  with  smoke,  an’  knew  the  door  was 
close  by. 

A few  of  the  men  raised  a cheer  as  I come  out,  but  the 
biggest  part  of  the  crowd  didn’t  pay  much  attention  ; an’ 


A STORY  OF  HARD  TIMES 


when  the  fire  died  down  they  went  away,  an’  left  me  sittin’ 
on  a pile  of  blankets  that  had  been  thrown  out ; for  I’d  breathed 
so  much  smoke  it  made  me  feel  queer. 

After  a while  I heard  spmeone  speak,  an’  looked  up.  There 
was  a fleshy,  good-lookin’  man  standin’  by  me. 

“Well,”  says  he,  “ye  come  mighty  near  gettin’  caught  in 
that  buildin’,  my  man.  Do  ye  save  dogs  for  fun  or  from  a 
sense  of  duty?” 

I told  him  that  I wa’n’t  fond  of  seein’  animals  suffer,  if  I 
could  prevent  it. 

“Well,  I’m  not,  either,”  says  he,  “but  I didn’t  think  I could 
prevent  it.  Ye  look  played  out.  Anything  I can  do  for  ye?” 

An’  then,  of  course,  I asked  him  for  work.  I’d  said  the 
words  so  often  they  rolled  off  from  my  tongue  like  somethin’ 
I’d  learned  by  heart.  But  I knew  from  the  start  I wouldn’t 
git  anything  from  him,  an’  I had  a queer  feelin’  as  if  I’d  never 
say  them  again,  either. 

“No,”  he  said,  “I  don’t  believe  we  can  take  ye.  One  of  our 
men  was  taken  sick  a day  or  two  ago,  but  we’ve  decided  we 
can  git  along  without  hirin’  till  he’s  better.  Ever  worked  in  a 
grocery  store?” 

I told  him,  “No;  I was  brought  up  on  a farm.  Late  years 
I’ve  worked  in  a shop.” 

“Oh,  yes,  one  of  Colton’s  hands.  There’s  been  two  or  three 
around  lately;  but  you  see  we  should  want  a man  who  un- 
derstood the  business,  an’  I’ve  made  up  my  mind  to  git  along 
without  extry  help  for  a time,  anyway.  I’m  sorry  I haven’t 
anything  for  ye.  It  can’t  be  very  pleasant  to  be  turned  out 
of  a job  through  no  fault  of  yer  own.” 

He  was  nice  enough,  ye  see ; an’  folks  will  tell  ye  how  much 
good  a sympathetic  word  does.  But  I watched  him  walkin’ 
away,  an’  felt  as  if  I’d  got  to  the  end  of  my  rope, — nothin’ 
to  fall  back  on  now,  but  that  life-insurance  policy.  It  give 
me  a creepy  feelin’  at  first,  when  my  thoughts  kep’  strayin’ 
around  to  that ; but  after  a little  the  idea  was  sort  of  pleasant 
to  me.  May  be  my  wife  would  feel  worse  at  first  about  her 
husban’s  dyin’  than  she  would  about  bein’  on  the  town  books 


6 


A STORY  OF  HARD  TIMES 


as  a pauper ; but  there  wouldn’t  be  anything  to  be  ashamed 
of  in  the  first  kind  of  grief.  An’  when  my  little  Nell  grew  up, 
her  dad  havin’  made  a misstep  one  night  an’  fell  into  the  river 
wouldn’t  be  nothin’  for  people  to  find'  out  an’  fling  in  her  face. 

I set  there  with  my  head  in  my  hands,  thinkin’,  till  the  clock 
struck  six.  I had  it  all  decided  then,  an’  I got  up  an’  started 
for  home.  It  wa’n’t  till  I opened  the  door  at  the  foot  of  our 
stairs  that  I felt  somethin’  snuffin’  at  my  heels,  an’  saw  the 
little  dog  I saved  from  the  fire  had  followed  me.  I picked 
him  up  in  my  arms,  an’  opened  the  sittin’-room  door  with  a 
rush. 

‘^Any  news  ?”  asks  my  wife,  all  in  a tremble,  cornin’  out 
to  meet  me. 

“News!  I should  think  so!”  I yelled,  flinging  up  my 
hat.  “Why,  Nell,  yer  dad’s  a hero!  Saved  a dog’s  life! 
Cheers  and  applause!  Asked  to  call  around  to-morrow  an’ 
see  about  a job!  Good  times  ahead!  Hurrah!” 

It  wa’n’t  very  well  done.  I never  had  much  practice  in 
lies,  ye  see,  but  Nell  brightened  up  in  a minute.  She  made 
me  sit  over  on  the  sofy  by  her,  an’  tell  her  all  about  the  fire, 
an’  how  the  little  doggy  looked,  an’  what  the  man  I was  goin’ 
to  work  for  said;  an’  I told  her  not  to  bother  her  little  head 
with  notions.  The  matter  wa’n’t  decided  yet,  but  the  next 
day  I’d  tell  her  all  about  it.  An’  when  I asked  about  sup- 
per, an’  my  wife  said  the  butter  was  all  out,  an’  she  hadn’t 
bought  any  meat  that  day,  I commenced  to  laugh,  an’  kep’ 
it  up  so  long  she  got  frightened  an’  thought  I was  losin’  my 
mind.  But  somethin’  I saw  in  her  face  quieted  me.  When — 
that — happened  the  next  day,  I couldn’t  have  my  wife  always 
thinkin"  I acted  strange  the  last  night,  an’  wonderin’  if  I did 
it  on  purpose. 

I pushed  my  chair  back  from  the  table. 

“Come  now,”  I says,  “let’s  all  take  a ride  on  the  electric 
cars.  We’ve  been  mopin’  long  enough ; a little  outin’  will 
be  good  for  us.  Ye’d  like  to  go,  Nellie,  wouldn’t  ye?” 

“Oh,  yes,”  says  she,  as  pleased  as  if  I’d  offered  her  a for- 
tune, “an’  I’ll  take  the  dog.  He’s  so  little  I can  hold  him 


A STORY  OF  HARD  TIMES 


right  in  my  lap,  an’  the  carman  won’t  see  him.  Can’t  I take 
the  dog,  papa?” 

I told  her  “Yes,”  an’  we  started.  Two  women  got  on  the 
crossin’  after  we  did,  I remember,  an’  we  all  shoved  along  to 
make  room. 

“See  how  full  the  car  is,’’  says  one,  “an’  mostly  workin’ 
people.  I was  sure  the  reports  of  the  sufferin’  among  them 
were  exaggerated.” 

She  was  holdin’  a long,  knit  purse,  an’  the  thought  come 
into  my  mind  to  snatch  it  away  from  her  an’  run.  For  a 
minute  I had  to  grip  my  hands  together;  then  I remembered 
the  steppin’  off  the  bridge. would  be  surer,  may  be,  an’  there 
couldn’t  nobody  call  that  a disgrace.  An’  all  the  while  I was 
thinkin’  it  over  I was  talkin’  with  Nell,  tellin’  about  the  way  I 
used  to  do  on  a farm : How  I drove  the  cows,  an’  plowed,  an’ 
raked  the  hay.  The  air  blew  cool  in  her  face,  an’  sent  a pink 
flush  there.  On  the  way  back  my  wife  roused  up  a little, 
too,  an’  commenced  to  talk  of  the  times  when  we  went  to  school 
together,  an’  what  everybody  said  an’  did.  An’  I laughed 
and  joked  as  if  I hadn’t  a care  in  the  world.  But  when  we 
got  to  the  house  I helped  ’em  off,  an’  then  stepped  back  onto 
the  car. 

‘T’m  a little  nervous  to-night,”  says  I.  “Guess  I’ll  ride  up 
here  a ways,  an’  then  walk  back  to  quiet  me.” 

My  wife  looked  queer. 

“Never  mind.  Jack,”  says  she.  “Something  will  happen,” 
an’  I see  it  all  hadn’t  deceived  her  any. 

As  the  cars  started  someone  touched  me  on  the  shoulder. 
It  was  the  man  who  had  talked  with  me  that  afternoon. 

“Thought  I’d  seen  ye  before,”  says  he,  “but  I couldn’t 
think  who  it  was  till  I noticed  the  dog.  Found  a place  yet?” 

I said  ; “No,  an’  don’t  expect  to.” 

“Say,  I was  thinkin’,  after  ye’d  gone,  that  I didn’t  know 
what  was  the  use  of  us  doin’  all  that  extry  work  while  the 
clerk  was  sick,  as  long  as  there  was  plenty  anxious  to  take  it 
off  our  hands.  Now,  ye’re  new  to  the  business,  an’,  of  course, 
I can’t  pay  fancy  prices.  But  if  ye  want  to  come  an’  try  it 


8 


A STORY  OF  HARD  TIMES 


for  a while — probably  till  the  shops  open — it’s  only  seven  dol- 
lars a week,  but — ” 

I turned  round,  then,  an’  caught  hold  of  his  hand.  I told 
him  what  he  said  had  saved  my  life — an’  felt  ashamed  of 
myself  for  saying  it. 

“Oh,  ye’d  found  a place  somewhere,”  says  he.  “That 
yer  little  girl  ye  had  with  ye?  She  don’t  look  very  strong. 
Ought  to  send  her  out  in  to  the  country  for  a while.” 

“We’d  been  plannin’  on  it,”  I said,  “but  the  hard  times 
had  stepped  in  to  prevent.” 

The  cars  come  to  the  terminus  then,  an’  we  got  off. 

“Well,  good  night,”  says  he.  “I  suppose  I’ll  see  ye  at  six 
to-morrow — 527  Main,  the  place  is.”  An’  then  he  added,  a 
little  as  if  he  was  ashamed  of  it : “If  yer  girl  wants  country 
air,  there’s  my  brother’s  folks  live  down  Sconset  way — ^big 
farm,  plenty  of  milk,  lots  of  children.  My  Jennie’s  goin’ 
down  next  week.  One  more  won’t  make  any  difference. 
Ye’d  better  plan  it  so  yer  little  girl  can  go  along  with  her,  an’ 
they’ll  have  all  the  better  fun — Why,  hang  it  all,  what  ails 
ye  ? Come,  I say,  don’t  do  that ; brace  up  and  be  a man !” 
for  when  I tried  to  thank  him  there  was  a lump  in  my  throat 
that  choked  me,  an’  I jest  stood  there,  with  the  tears  runnin’ 
down  my  face. 

I’ve  been  thinkin’  a good  deal  about  it  since;  an’  it  sort  of 
seems — though  I ain’t  a preachin’  man  nor  a perfessor  of  re- 
ligion— as  if  some  trouble  was  jest  sent  to  show  what  poor, 
miser’ble  failures  of  livin’  we’d  make  if  there  wa’n’t  nobody 
to  oversee  us.  There  I was,  gropin’  away  by  myself  for 
weeks,  growin’  more  an’  more  desperit  every  day,  an’  plannin’ 
to  git  out  of  the  world;  an’  all  the  time  the  Lord  was  seein’ 
to  everything,  even  to  our  goin’  to  ride  an’  takin’  jes  that  car. 

There’s  a story  how  our  shops  start  up  next  month,  an’  the 
country’s  seen  the  worst  of  it.  But  what  I started  to  say, 
an’  what  I believe,  sir,  is  that  there  can’t  none  of  them  writers 
nor  editors  nor  folks  that  are  fond  of  givin’  advice  tell  how 
the  workin’  men  feel  over  the  hard  times  unless  they’ve  been 
through  it  themselves. 


LIST  OF  PAULINE  PHELPS’S  PIECES,  CONTINUED  FROM 
SECOND  COVER  PAGE. 

SCORCHING  vs#  DIAMONDS.  Monologtte#  Comedy.  JO  min#  Woman,  Whimsical  old 

woman  promises  diamond  necklace  to  grandniece  wnose  conduct  is  most  pleasing.  The 
heroine,  to  cure  aunt’s  headache,  wheels  to  town  for  medicine,  is  nearly  arrested  for  scorch- 
ing, and  ends  in  a collision.  Her  victim  falls  in  love  with  her  and  she  gets  the  diamonds. 

SEVEN  AGES  OF  MAN#  Pantomimed  Poem.  Burlesque.  15  min#  Any  number. 

Poem  by  Shakespeare,  pantomime  by  P.  Phelps.  Pictures  infant,  schoolboy,  lover,  soldier, 
justice,  old  man,  verv  old  man. 

SPINSTER  THURBER^S  CARPET.  Recitation.  Revolutionary  War.  10  min. 

Old  maid,  reprimanded  for  extravagance  for  buying  a carpet  while  Continental  troops  are 
suffering  at  Valley  Forge,  puts  committee  to  flight  by  her  sharp  tongue. 

SHAKESPERIAN  CONFERENCE#  Play.  Burlesque.  45  min.  4m,  51.- 

Cleopatra,  Lady  Macbeth,  Juliet,  Desdemona,  '‘Miss  Cawdor,”  Romeo,  Hamlet,  Macbeth,, 
and  Shylock  hold  a conference  to  discuss  " The  Unpopularity  of  Shakespeare’s  Plays,  and 
the  Remedy  for  It,”  and  incidentally  to  increase  and  collect  their  royalties,  A clever  med- 
ley of  Shakesperian  language,  modern  slang  and  nonsense. 

STORY  OF  HARD  TIMES,  A.  Monologue.  Pathos.  15  min.  Man.  Man  tells  pa- 
thetic story  of  when  he  was  out  of  work  with  wife  and  sick  child  to  care  for.  By  saving  a 
^dog  in  a Are,  he  obtains  the  long-sought-for  employment. 

SWEET-GIRL  GRADUATE#  Monologue.  Comedy.  10  min.  Woman#  Graduating 

dress.  Girl  is  rehearsing  graduating  essav  when  chums  come,  and  there  follows  a mixture 
of  high-flowing  essay  and  school-girl  nonsense;  also  a scene  between  girl  and  lover,  just 
before  she  goes  on  platform  to  take  part  in  commencement  exercises. 

TELEPHONE  ROMANCE.  Monologue.  Comedy.  Elocution  Lesson.  10  min# 

Woman.  Sitting-room  with  teleph'ne  scene.  Girl  passing  through  a fit  of  jealousy  fi’tally 
calls  lover  through  ’phone  to  hasten  to  her  house  to  protect  her  from  a supposed  mouse. 

TRIAL  PERFORMANCE.  Monologue  (Woman)  or  1-act  Play  for  2f#  Comedy# 

10  min.  Scene  between  theatrical  agent  and  stage-struck  country  girl  determined  to  get  a 
hearing,  and  who  inflicts  samples  of  her  acting  on  discomforted  agent.  Opportunity  for  a 
varied  performance. 

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ANNA  D COOPER,  Teacher,  Public  Reader,  Director  of  Poses  in  the  Pantomimes,  “Star- 
Spangled  Banner,”  and  “ The  Listening  Ear  of  Night.” 

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GRACE  B.  FAXON,  Teacher,  Public  Reader,  Formerly  an  Editor  of  “ Werner's  Magazine.” 
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Pauline  Phelps’s  Pieces 


Most  Successful  Pieces — in  the  Repertoires  of  America’s  Most 
Popular  Reciters^ — Prize  Winners  Everywhere. 

Published  Exclusively  by  EDGAR  S.  WERNER  & CO.,  now  Belmar,  N.  J. 
Formerly  11  East  14th  Street,  New  York. 

PRICE,  35  CENTS  EACH. 

N.  — A distinguishing  feature  of  PAULINE  PHELPS’S  PIECES  is  that  every  one 
is  hrst  tested  and  proved  a hit  on  the  public  platform  before  it  is  published. 


As  the  Moon  Rose.  Recitation.  Revolu- 
tionary War.  8 min.  Girl  makes  perilous 
horse-back  ride  to  carry  pardon  for  lover  un- 
justly condemned  as  spy.  Manuscript  lesson- 
talk,  $1.  extra. 

Aunt  Elnora’s  Hero.  Monologue.  Comedy. 
10  min.  Girl.  Ten-year  old  girl  tells  how 
she,  by  dressing  up  in  sheet  and  jack-o- 
lantern  head,  scares  man  her  old-maid  aunt 
thinks  a hero  and  wants  to  marry. 

Aunt  Sarah  on  Bicycles.  Monologue. 

Comedy.  10  min.  Woman.  Elderly  itnaiden 
lady  tells  how  niece  and  son  of  a neighbor 
with  whom  she  has  been  at  odds  run  off  on 
a tandem  and  get  married,  followed  in  a 
wagon  by  herself  and  the  father,  and  how 
the  ride  leads  to  their  becoming  engaged. 
Manuscript  lesson-talk.  $1  extra. 

Average  Boy.  Comedy  country  dialect  char- 
acter sketch  verse  recital.  10  min.  Banjo 
and  bone  effects.  City  boy  maintains  that 
country  pleasures  cannot  compare  with  de- 
lights of  a vaudeville  show  and  reveals  he  is 
secretly  practising  to  join  minstrel  show. 
Elaborate  lesson-talk  by  the  author. 

Betsy  Holden’s  Burglars.  Yankee  Dialect 
Comedy  Monologue  for  a Woman.  15  min. 
New  England  timid  spinster  has  various 
surprises  and  interruptions  while  waiting  for 
guests  to  annual  family  reunion,  greatest 
surprise  being  return  after  long  absence  and 
proposal  of  lover. 

Biff  Perkins’s  Toboggan  Slide.  Monologue. 

Comedy.  10  min.  Boy.  Boy  gets  old- 
maid  aunt  and  a professor  on  his  sled  and 
an  upset  leads  to  matrimony.  “A  sled  and 
a boy  and  a _ custard  pie  make  an  awful 
good  combination.” 

Billy’s  Animal  Show.  Humorous  recitation 
for  a boy.  6 min.  When  his  old-maid  aunt’s 
Turkey  missionary  lecture  before  the  Little 
Mothers  was  delayed  on  account  of  railroad 
washout,  boy  secretly  substitutes  animal  show 
of  mice,  rat,  dog,  cat,  dancing-monkey  and 
swearing-parrot;  animals  get  loose,  and  break 
up  meeting,  resulting  in  interfering  with 
aunt’s  matrimonial  designs  on  missionary, 
boy’s  punishment  by  his  father,  and  other 
disasters. 

Cook,  The.  Monologue.  Comedy.  10_  min. 
Woman.  Cook  costume.  Irish  dialect. 
Cook,  directed  by  mistress  not  to  open  door 
for  callers,  follows  instructions  when,  at 
night,  a cat  is  raising  a terrible  rumpus  in 


the  dining-room,  upsetting  various  things, 
racket  bringing  in  police. 

Daisy’s  Music  Practice  Hour.  Comedy 
Girl  Monologue.  Music  specially  arranged 
by  A.  J.  Goodrich.  20  min.  Ten-year-old 
girl  interrupts  her  compulsory  piano  lesson 
with  all  sorts  of  excuses,  protests  and  re- 
marks. Piece  can  be  expanded  by  various 
comedy  effects.  All  the  music  is  given. 

Deacon  Slocum’s  Presence  of  Mind. 
Monologue.  Comedy.  10  min.  Woman. 
Yankee  dialect.  Outstripped  by  women  in 
putting  out  a fire  a deacon  (who  has  had 
much  to  say  about  men’s  superiority  over 
women)  ends  a 20  years’  courtship  by 
proposing. 

Dumb-waiter  Difficulty.  Acting  Monologue 
for  a Woman.  15  min.  Girl  gushes  over 
engagement  ring  and  over  lover  whose  letter 
she  reads  while  awaiting  him  to  take  her  to 
concert.  Mistaking  janitor,  mending  door, 
for  a dog,  she  blows  pepper  tlirough  key- 
hole ; and.  fearing  janitor  will  vent  his 
wrath  on  lover,  she  gets  lover  to  come  in 
dumb-waiter,  which  gets  stuck ; other  occu- 
pants of  house  get  involved  with  ludicrous 
results,  lover  in  disheveled  condition  finally 
reaching  her  from  fire-escape.  Full  lesson- 
talk  by  author. 

Family  Plate  Monologue  Comedy.  8 min. 
Woman.  Irish  dialect.  Women  tells  of 
ludicrous  events  resulting  from  getting 
ready  and  attempting  to  have  her  family 
photographed. 

Fire  ov/n’s  New  Scboolbouse.  Monologue. 
Comedy.  12  min.  Woman.  Deacon’s  wife 
tel’s  how  neighborhood  assembles  to  vote 
whether  it  shall  have  new  schoolhouse.  After 
an  exciting  time,  the  first  ballot  being  a 
tie,  she  slips  out  and  bribes  “Hermit  Jim” 
to  rush  in  and  vote  for  a new  schoolhouse. 

Her  Cub?<ffi  Tea.  Monologue.  Comedy.  10' 
min.  Woman.  Hostess,  being  disappointed 
by  grocer,  serves  strong  cider  to  afternoon- 
tea  guests,  calling  it  “Cuban  tea.”  They 
all  get  lively.  Business  given. 

How  Mr.  Simonson  Took  Care  of  the 
Baby,  Recitation.  Comedy.  10  min.  A 
father  claims  he  can  tend  baby  without  half 
the  fuss  made  by  mother.  He  undertakes 
to  quiet  it  and  slaps  child  who  shrieks. 
After  many'  vain  attempts  he  is  compelled 

(rf-'-  to  hand  "child -back:  To"  mother,  to' ateuscrfient 
of  d^poU  spectators.*  ' ’ ' ' ' ^ 


/SrzZ'i 


D.IIISY’8  MUSIC  PRACTICE  HOUR 


A CHILD  MONOLOGUE. 


Written  by  PAUUNE  PHELPS. 


As  Arranged  and  Read  by  Blanche  Friderici. 


Music  Arranged  by  A.  J.  Goodrich. 


Copyright,  1906,  by  Edgar  S.  Werner. 


[Enter  Daisy  Wriggles,  aged  ten,  with  music  hook  under 
arm.  Business  of  going  to  piano,  arranging  stool,  etc.  Calls  off 
stage.  ] 

Yes,  ma’am,  I’m  going  to,  right  now.  I think  it’s  a shame  to 
make  me  practice  on  a nice  day  like  this,  when  all  the  other  girls 
, ^ are  out  having  a good  time.  [ Opens  music  hook  and  sits  on  stool 
with  great  deliberation.]  I should  think  my  mother  would  feel 
^ awfully  sorry  for  me,  but  she  doesn’t  seem  to;  she  says  I’ve  got 
^ to  practice  half  an  hour.  Well,  I’ll  play  fast,  and  maybe  I’ll  get 
through  quicker.  [Plays  ‘'Finger  Exercise”  six  times  rapidly.] 


FINGER  EXERCISE, 


2 


DAISY’S  MUSIC  PRACTICE  HOUR. 


IVe  played  that  six  times,  anyway.  [Turns  pages  and  plays 
Holland  Waltz'*  very  badly ^ talking  and  playing  simultaneously.] 


HOLLAND  WALTZ. 


Begin  moderate,  andplay  faster  and  faster. 


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[Calls  off  stage. 1 Ma,  if  I play  my  lesson  all  through,  will 
you  take  me  to  the  circus,  maybe?  Oh,  I wish  you  would,  I 
haven’t  been  to  the  circus  not  since  the  last  time  it  was  here. 
Won’t  you  please  ? I don’t  like  to  count  aloud ; ’tisn’t  good  for  my 
voice.  Well,  will  you  take  me,  if  I do  count  aloud?  [Delightedly,] 
Yes,  ma’am,  I will  [Turns  pages  and  plays  '‘Servant  Girls' 
Chorus  from  ‘Martha/"  counting  in  high  childish  treble  voice, 
but  showing  absolute  disregard  for  time  and  discords.] 


SERVANT  GIRLS’  CHORUS,  FROM  «‘MARTHA.” 


4 


DAlSrs  MUSIC  PRACTICE  HOUR. 


Oh,  I just  love  to  go  to  the  circus.  There’s  a man  there,  all 
dressed  in  white,  with  powder  all  over  his  face,  and  he’s  awful 
funny;  then  there’s  a boy  on  a horse,  and  he  goes  right  through 
a hoop  [pantomime  business^  just  like  that;  then  there’s  another 
man,  and  he’s  a sword-swallower.  Why,  he  swallows  a big  long- 
sword  most  six  feet  [pantomime  husiness'\.  Just  puts  his  head 
back  and  he  swallows  it  right  down,  but  it  don’t  kill  him.  I know 
it  don’t  kill  him,  because  afterward  he  gets  up,  and  [business] 
bows  and  kisses  his  hands  to  the  audience  just  as  nice  as  any- 
thing. [Hurrying  back  to  piano.]  Yes,  ma’am,  I’m  going  to. 
[Business.]  I’m  just  practicing  my  Delsarte  exercises.  Oh,  dear! 
I can’t  have  a minute’s  rest.  [Plays  following  music,  counting 
unevenly  and  playing  discordantly ; stops  suddenly,  listens,  rises 
and  runs  to  window  {supposedly  at  right  front  of  stage  facing 
audience).  Business  of  raising  window  and  looking  out.] 


DAISY’S  MUSIC  PRACTICE  HOUR, 


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DAISY’S  MUSIC  PRACTICE  HOUR. 


rail. 


DAISY’S  MUSIC  PRACTICE  HOUR. 


7 

Oh,  there’s  the  organ-man,  I must  see  if  he’s  got  his  monkey. 
No,  he  hasn’t.  I haven’t  any  pennies  for  you.  I’m  just  listening, 
that’s  all. 

{Looking  across  street.']  Oh,  there’s  Grace.  Hello,  Gracie. 
come  here  a minute,  I want  to  tell  you  something.  Where  ^ybu 
going?  No,  I can’t — I’ve  got  to  practice.  I’m  most  finished, 
though;  will  you  wait  for  me?  All  right.  What  have  you  got 
in  the  bag?  I guess  I do  like  fudge,  hand  me  a piece,  will  you? 
{Business  of  leaning  out  window  and  taking  candy.]  Sh!  my 
sister’s  coming  candy].  Yes,  I’ll  come  as  soon  as  I get 

through.  All  right,  good-bye.  {Closes  window  hurriedly,  crosses 
to  piano  and  talks  to  extreme  right,  facing  audience.]  Well,  I 
guess  I couldn’t  practice  when  the  organ-man  was  there,  could  I ? 
If  I was  a big  sister  like  you,  I wouldn’t  be  so  cross  to  my  little 
sister  {sitting  down  and  trying  to  appear  much  injured]  and  listen 
to  her  practice  all  the  time  {turning  pages  disinterestingly] . Well, 
I can’t  keep  time  when  you  watch  me,  now.  {Pertly.]  Oh,  I’m 
going  to  as  soon  as  I can  find  it.  Turns  pages  and  plays  sixteen  meas- 
ures of  following  music,  using  loud  pedal  and  playing  very  badly. 
Finish  measure  sixteen  with  a discordant  hang  and  give  following 
line  immediately.]  Well,  my  teacher  says  I’ve  got  to  use  the  pedal. 
Oh,  you  can  tell  ma,  if  you  want  to  {continue  playing  through  re- 
niainder  of  piece,  speaking  lines  very  clearly  and  not  allowing 
them  to  he  drowned  hy  music] ; but  if  you  do.  I’ll  tell  how  you 
said  good-night  to  Archie  Hammond  last  Sunday.  Yes,  I do. 
I watched  you  over  the  banister,  and  you  can  see  lots  of  things 
over  the  banisters.  You  said  “good-night”  twelve  times.  I know, 
’cause  I counted.  {Turns,  faces  sister  at  right  front  and  discon> 
tinues  playing.] 


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8 


DAISY’S  MUSIC  PRACTICE  HOUR. 


Oh,  Alice!  yes,  you  did;  first  you  stood  way  off,  like  this 
[rises,  and  introduces  burlesque  business  of  good-night  scene], 
and  you  said,  “Good-night,  Mr.  Hammond,  must  you  be  going?’^ 
And  he  said,  “Well,  yes.  I’m  going  to  catch  that  car” ; and  then 
he  kinder  swallowed  something  down  in  his  throat  and  he  said, 


DAISY’S  MUSIC  PRACTICE  HOUR. 


9 


“Fve  had  a real  pleasant  eve  iing,  good-night.’'  And  then  you 
tried  to  look  so  sweet,  and  your  voice  was  so  soft,  and  you  said, 
“I’m  awfully  glad  you  have  had  a pleasant  evening,  Mr.  Ham- 
mond.” I just  wish  he  could  hear  you  talk  to  me  sometimes! 
Then  he  took  your  hand  and  he  said,  “Good-night,  Miss  Alice” ; 
and  you  said,  “Oh,  good-night,  Mr.  Hammond,  there  goes  your 
.ar’;  and  he  said,  “Well,  let  it  go.  [With  dramatic  fervor.]  Call 
me  Archie.”  [Showing  great  delight  at  Alice’s  discomfiture.] 
Then  pa  called  from  up-stairs  and  asked  if  that  young  gentleman 
was  there  yet.  And  Mr.  Hammond — I mean  Archie — he  hurried 
out  of  that  front  door  and  down  the  steps  like  a flash,  and  you 
went  up  and  told  pa  that  poor  Mr.  Hammond  had  to  wait  so  long 
for  his  car.  Yes,  you  did,  too  [walking  tozvard  piano].  Well,  I’ll 
tell  everybody  I want  to,  so  there.  [Turning  quickly  to  sister.] 
Yes,  and  I know  Archie’s  little  sister,  and  I’ll  tell  her,  too.  [Sits 
on  piano  stool.]  What’ll  you  give  me,  if  I don’t?  Some  pepper- 
mints? Well,  if  you’ll  give  me  half  a pound  of  peppermints  and 
go  away,  and  not  bother  me  until  I get  all  through  practicing,  T 
won’t  tell.  [Turning  to  piano  and  looking  over  shoulder  as  sister 
leaves  room.]  You  mustn’t  come  back,  not  till  I’m  all  finished. 
[Delightedly.]  All  right.  I won’t  tell  about  that  (but  I’ll  get 
under  the  parlor  sofa  Sunday  night).  [Turns  pages  of  music  hook 
and  plays  following  music  with  dreadful  discord.] 


Ma  says,  she  thinks  I’ll  be  a great  musician  some  day,  and  pa 
says,  he  guesses  the  teacher’ll  be  rich  by  that  time.  Teacher  says, 
I’ve  got  the  temper  meant  for  it,  Um,  I haven’t  got  a temper  like 
she  has,  anyhow ; she’s  as  cross  as  two  sticks,  that’s  because  she’s 
an  old  maid,  I guess,  [Discontinues  playing.]  Oh,  I’m  getting 


10 


DAISY’S  MUSIC  PRACTICE  HOUR 


awful  tired  of  practicing.  Doctor  says  ’tisn’t  good  to  practice  toe 
much,  anyway,  'cause  you  get  St.  Vitus’s  dance  if  you  do.  [Sud* 
denly.]  Oh ! I must  try  my  new  song;  it’s  the  loveliest  song,  the 
tune  came  out  of  our  school  singing-book,  but  Billie  Bumps  maae 
the  words  up  out  of  his  own  head,  and  we  sung  them  in  school 
this  morning,  and  teacher  got  awful  mad,  and  she  marked  us  all 
three  demerits.  [Strikes  a high  note  then  a lozver  one.]  I have 
to  find  the  key ; guess  that  one  fits  my  voice  best.  [Plays  follozving 
music  zvith  one  hand,  sing'ing  ojf  key  and  finishing  each  verse  zjuith 
comedy  effect.] 


Slow. 


DAISY’S  MUSIC  PRACTICE  HOUR, 


II* 


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when  they  meet,  And  say,  “Oh,  aint  he  sweet”  most  ev  - 'ry  night, 
has,  I know  That  we  should  feel  just  so,  and  that’s  a fact. 

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(Sing  2a  verse  to  the  same  music.) 


{Calls  off  stage.]  Yes,  ma’am.  Well,  I’m  going  to  play  my 
scales  right  now.  Oh,  I just  hate  scales!  {Plays  scales  deject- 
edly.] 


il  ill  L!B. 


12 


DAISY’S  MUSIC  PRACTICE  HOUR. 


If  you  keep  on  practicing  scales  all  the  days  of  your  life,  you'll 
get  to  be  a wonderful  player  after  awhile  [finishing  scale],  and 
then  you  don’t  ever  have  to  comb  your  hair.  I heard  a man  play 
once ; he  was  an  Irishman ; I know  he  was  Irish,  because  his  name 
was  Paddy  something  or  other,  and  he  played  just  like  this  [imita- 
tion] c 


Oh,  if  I could  play  a little  louder,  it  would  sound  just  like 
him.  Dear,  my  fingers  are  mpst  worn  out — I’ve  practiced  so  hard. 
[Rises  delightedly.]  Oh,  the  clock’s  striking  [closing  hook]  ; my 
time’s  up ; I don’t  have  to  practice  any  more  to-day ; wonder  where 
I put  my  hat.  [Unconsciously.]  Sometimes  I have  good  days 
practicing  and  sometimes  I have  bad  days,  and  this  has  been  one 
of  my  good  ones.  I must  have  left  my  hat  in  the  other  room.  Ma, 
I’m  all  through  practicing,  may  I go  round  to  Gracie’s  house  for 
a little  while  now?  Yes,  ma’am.  I’ll  come  home  at  dinner  time. 
All  right.  Good'bye.  [Quick  exit,] 


PAULINE  PHELPS’S  PIECES — Continued 


Jolly  Brick,  A.  Monologue.  Pathos.  8 min. 
Boy.  Bowery  bootblack  tells  story  of  his 
chum.,  “a  jolly  brick,”  who  died  in  a fire 
to  save  the  life  of  a “little  cove  he  looked 
out  for.”  Full  of  interest  and  pathos. 

Just  Commonplace.  Recital.  Patriotic.  10 
nun.  In  colloquial  language,  the  self-depre- 
ciating narration  about  a real  hero  at  Antie- 
tam,  who  could  play  only  one  tune— “The 
Star  Spangled  Banner” — on  the  fife,  but 
that  saved  the  day.  Patriotic,  pathetic  and 
full  of  heart  interest. 

Midnight  Courtship.  Play.  1 Act.  1 m., 
2 f.,  or  Monologue.  Comedy.  10  min. 

Young  lawyer,  annoyed  by  adverse  news- 
paper criticism  and  fearful  of  having  lost 
his  first  case  and  sweetheart,  is  made  happy 
by  her  unexpected  appearance  at  midnight 
in  boarding-house  parlor  and  by  her  an- 
nouncing him  as  her  fiance,  to  prevent  talk 
of  landlady  and  boarders.  Business  given. 

Millinery  Melee.  Monologue.  Comedy.  10 
min.  Woman.  Newly-married  woman,  who 
takes  husband  to  help  select  a hat,  is  so 
upset  by  his  meeting  a former  sweetheart 
that  she  not  only  fails  to  buy  a hat,  but 
directs  suspicion  to  herself  as  shoplifter. 
Business  given. 

Minister’s  Black  Nance.  Recitation.  Horse- 
race. 10  min.  Crowd  at  country  fair 
horse-race  is  shocked  to  see  minister’s  horse 
enter  race  and  to  learn  that,  instead  of 
minister’s  son,  the  minister’s  daughter  is 
the  driver,  and  wins  the  race. 

Old  Benedict  Arnold.  Recitation.  Tragic. 
Revolutionary  War.  15  min.  Yankee  dia- 
lect. Granduncle  of  Benedict  Arnold  boasts 
of  bravery  of  the  young  hero,  and  gives 
spirited  description  of  battle  of  Saratoga. 
“Benedict  Arnold’s  turned  traitor”  is  the 
postrider’s  news  that  interrupts,  and  the  old 
man  burns  his  quondam  hero  in  effigy  and 
himseli  leaps  into  the  fire.  Manuscript  les- 
son-talk, $1  extra. 

Reverend  Mr.  Tuffscrappen.  Recitation. 
15  min.  Flaming  red-haired  man  combines 
tin-peddling  and  preaching ; takes  rebuffs 
good-humoredly,  and  by  force  of  real  ability 
and  perseverance  wins  rich  man’s  daughter 
for  wife. 

Rosalind’s  Surrender.  Monologue.  Patri- 
otism. Romance.  _ Illustrated.  15  min. 
Woman.  A Virginia  girl,  whose  ancestors 
fought  for  the  Stars  and  Stripes,  waves  the 
Union  flag  as  her  Union  lover  goes  by. 
Business  given. 

Scorching  vs.  Diamonds.  Monologue. 

Comedy.  10  min.  Woman.  Whimsical 
old  woman  promises  diamond  necklace  to 
grandniece  whose  conduct  is  most  pleasing. 
The  heroine,  to  cure  aunt’s  headache,  wheels 
to  town  for  medicine,  is  nearly  arrested  for 
scorching  and  ends  in  a collision.  Her  vic- 
tim falls  in  love  with  her  and  she  gets  the 
diamonds. 

Seven  Ages  of  Man.  Pantomimed  Poem. 
Burlesque.  15  min.  Any  number.  Poem 


by  Shakespeare,  pantomime  by  P.  Phelps. 
Pictures  infant,  schoolboy,  lover,  soldier, 
justice,  old  man,  very  old  man. 

Shakespearian  Conference.  Play.  Bur- 
lesque. 45  min.  4m,  5f.  Cleopatra,  Lady 
Macbeth,  Juliet,  Desdemona,  “Miss  Caw- 
dor,” Romeo,  Hamlet,  Macbeth  and  Shylock 
hold  a conference  to  discuss  “The  Unpopu- 
larity of  Shakespeare’s  Plays  and  the  Rem- 
edy for  It,”  and  incidentally  to  increase 
and  collect  their  royalties.  A clever  medley 
of  Shakespearian  language,  modern  slang 
and  nonsense.  Business  given.  Manuscript 
lesson-talk,  $1  extra. 

Spinster  Thurber’s  Carpet.  Recitation. 
Revolutionary  War.  10  min.  Old  maid, 
reprimanded  for  extravagance  for  buying  a 
carpet  while  Continental  troops  are  suffering 
at  Valley  Forge,  puts  committee  to  flight 
by  her  sharp  tongue. 

Story  of  Hard  Times.  Monologue.  Pathos. 
15  min.  Man.  Man  tells  pathetic  story  of 
when  he  was  out  of  work  with  wife  and 
sick  child  to  care  for.  By  saving  a dog  in 
a fire,  he  obtains  the  long-sought-for  em- 
ployment. 

Sweet-Girl  Graduate.  Monologue.  Comedy. 
10  min.  Woman.  Graduating  dress.  Girl 
is  rehearsing  graduating  essay  when  chums 
come,  and  there  follows  a mixture  of  high- 
flowing  essay  and  school-girl  nonsense ; also 
a scene  between  girl  and  lover,  just  before 
she  goes  ^ on  platform  to  take  part  in  com- 
mencement exercises.  Business  given. 

Telephone  Romance.  Monologue.  Comedy. 
Elocution  Lesson.  10  min.  Woman.  Sit- 
ting-room with  telephone  scene.  Girl  pass- 
ing through  a fit  of  jealousy  finally  calls 
lover  through  ’phone  to  hasten  to  her  house 
to  protect  her  from  a supposed  mouse.  Full 
business  and  lesson-talk. 

Thanksgiving  Day  at  Grandma’s.  Recita- 
tion. 8 min.  Boy.  Verse.  Yankee  Dia- 
lect. Boy  tells  of  preparation  for  and  good 
times  on  Thanksgiving  at  farm  where  his 
whole  family  go,  and  rejoices  that  he  is  only 
“a  common  boy”  so  he  can  enjoy  “turkeys 
’n’  Thanksgivin’s”  which  “keep  a-comin’ 
ev’ry  year.”  Elaborate  lesson-talk  by  the 
author. 

Trial  Performance.  Monologue.  (Woman) 
or  1-act  Play  for  2f.  Comedy.  10  min. 
Scene  between  theatrical  agent  and  stage- 
struck  country  girl  determined  to  get  a 
hearing,  and  who  inflicts  samples  of  her 
acting  on  discomforted  agent.  Opportunity 
for  a varied  performance.  Business  given. 

What  a Masquerade  Did.  Romantic  Com- 
edy Monologue  for  a Woman.  15  min. 
Eligible  society  widow,  jealous  of  attentions 
paid  to  stepdaughter,  schemes  to  get  rid  of 
her  by  marrying  her  to  a rich  and  eld'^rly 
man;  but,  mistaking  at  a masquerade  girl’s 
real  (and  poor)  lover  for  the  other  man, 
she  opens  way  for  lovers  to  elope ; where- 
upon rich  man  proposes  to  and  is  accepted 
by  widow. 


UTER  PAULINE  PHELP’S  PIECES 


Overalls  Bridget.  Dramatic  serio- 
comic woman  monologue.  Irish- 
woman unappreciated  in  ordinary 
dress  is  much  admired  in  overalls 
while  doing  government  work.  She 
loves  lame  man  sitting  beside  her, 
but  believes  him  slacker,  accepts 
attentions  of  foreman,  Mr.  Smith, 
learns  from  him  he  is  German 
and  she  reports  this  information 
to  employer.  He  seemingly  pays 
no  attention  to  her  report.  One 
day  an  explosion  occurs.  Smith 
is  arrested  and  Bridget  saves  lame 
man  and  many  others  and  learns 
lame  man  was  injured  in  war  be- 
fore Americans  took  part  in  it. 
Clever,  bright  bits  introduced. 
Very  successful.  10  min. 


Food  Conservation  Club  Meet- 
ing. Humorous  woman  mono- 
logue. Dog  biscuit  and  champagne 
served  as  Hoover’s  idea  of  food 
when  regular  refreshments  failed. 
Sorry  effects  from  supposed  cider. 
8 min. 


Side  Show,  The.  $1.00  in  manu- 
script on’.y.  Phelps  and  Short. 
Just  out.  Clever,  exceedingly 
humorous  Monologue  and  duo- 
logue for  a Barker  who  an- 


nounces varibus  exhibits  present 
at  Show  with  interrupting  re- 
marks of  people  present.  The 
very  stout  lady  also  speaks. 


Au  Revoir  Sallie.  Phelps  and 
Short.  Humorous  telephone  mon- 
ologues for  one  girl,  one  man, 
one  small  boy,  or  all  may  be  given 
by  one  man  or  one  woman.  Have 
been  well  tested  in  vaudeville  and 
was  very  successful.  Although 
girl  and  man  talk  to  man’s  sweet- 
heart over  ’phone  most  sweetly, 
small  brother  gives  away  fact  that 
both  had  been  annoyed  and  had 
said  “things”  because  dinner  had 
been  interrupted.  10  min. 


Mrs.  Moneymade’s  Fitting. 

Phelps  and  Short.  Humorous 
woman  monologue.  Newly  rich, 
without  culture,  in  getting  fitted, 
woman  out-malaprops  Mrs.  Mala- 
prop  in  telling  saleswoman  in  de- 
partment store  of  European  trip. 
Exceedingly  funny  misuse  of  words. 
Very  popular.  8 min. 


EDGAR  S.  WERNER  & CO.,  BELMAR,  NEW  JERSEY 


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•--prict  25  C€t>t5-- 


Pauline  Phelps's  Recitations. 

If  you  are  la  search  of  original,  unhackneyed,  and  superior  recitations,  these  are  what  you  need. 


Miss  Phelps’s  work  for  me  has  been 
most  satisfactory.” — Blanche  L.  Frider- 
ici,  New  York. 

“AS  THE  MOON  ROSE.”  25  cts. 

“ I have  had  great  success  with  ‘ As  the 
Moon  Rose,’  and  have  given  it  in  forty 
towns  this  season,  and  nearly  every  paper 
speaks  of  it  particularly.” — Mrs.  Elizabeth 
de  Barrie  Gill,  Philadelphia. 

A Revolutionary  story  of  a girl’s  ride  to  save 
her  lover.  Intensely  dramatic. 

“AUNT  ELNORA’S  HERO.”  25  cts. 

“ Took  well.  Th»  audience  was  at  times 
convulsed.” — Chas.  H.  Wevill,  Manager 
Committee  Philadelphia  Y.  M.  C.  A. 

How  a girl  dresses  up  as  a ghost  and  fright- 
ens a man  who  is  always  bragging  of  his  brav-. 
ery. 

“ THE  MINISTER’S  BLACK  NANCE.”  25  cts. 

‘'One  of  my  pupils  recited  at  the  Knights 
of  Pythias  entertainment,  and  made  a de- 
cided hit.  Another  pupil  captured  the 
town  with  ‘ Her  Cuban  Tea.’  ” — Norrine 
L.  Cochrane,  Tennessee. 

A girl  dresses  up  in  her  brother’s  clothes  and 
wins  a race. 

“A  SHAKESPEARIAN  CONFERENCE.”  25  cts. 

Recently  given  with  great  success  by  the 
Avon  Shakespeare  Club  of  New  York, 
one  of  the  most  particular  and  highest- 
grade  Shakespeare  Clubs  in  America. 

A new  and  original  burlesque  for  four  males 
and  five  females. 

“THE  SWEET  GIRL-GRADUATE.”  25  cts. 

“ I like  ‘ The  Sweet  Girl-Graduate  ’ as 
well  as,  if  not  better  than,  ‘ A Telephone 
Romance.’” — Belle  Spier,  New  York. 

A humorous  monologue  telling  of  two  lovers’ 
quarrel,  and  their  reconciliation  at  the  gradua- 
ting exercises  at  a young  ladies’  seminary.  On 
the  same  style  as  “ A Telephone  Romance.” 


“A  TELEPHONE  ROMANCE.”  25  cts.  With  Les- 
son-Talk. 

“ Every  one  of  Miss  Phelps’s  pieces  is 
excellent — unusually  good.  I congratu- 
late her.  I have  three  pupils  giving  ‘ A 
Telephone  Romance.’” — Mme.  El  De 
Louie,  New  York. 

A^  humorous  monologue  in  one  scene,  about  a 
girl  s quarrel  with  her  lover,  her  Aight  at  a 
supposed  mouse,  and  her  reconciliation. 

f 

“AUNT  SARAH  ON  BICYCLES.”  25  cts. 

How  a tandem  helped  a couple  to  ride  to 
matrimony.  Humorous. 

“THE  COOK.”  25  cts. 

Humorous  Irish,  dialect  narrative  of  how  a 
ser.vapt-girl  and  a cat  turned  things  topsyturvy 
in  a household. 

“HER  CUBAN  TEA.”  25  cts. 

‘‘‘Her  Cuban  Tea’  is  extremely  clever 
and  works  up  well.  One  of  my  pupils  has 
brought  it  out  here.” — Sara  Greenleaf 
Frost,  Missouri. 

A hostess  treats  her  guests  to  strong  cider, 
calling  it  “ Cuban  Tea,”  which  makes  them  all 
lively. 

“ THANKSGIVING  DAY  AT  GRANDMA’S.”  25  cts. 

The  good  things  to  be  had  and  to  be  done  at 
“ Grandma’s  on  Thanksgivin’  day.”  Child  dia- 
Ifect. 

“BURLESQUE  PANTOMIME  OF  SHAKESPEARE’S 

’ SEVEN  AGES  OF  MAN.’  ” 15  cts. 

At  a recent  Shakespearian  entertainment  in 
Brooklyn,  this  pantomime  was  the  hit  of  the 
evening. 


Miss  Phelps  is  also  the  compiler  and  arranger 
of  “ Werner’s  Readings  and  Recitations  Nos.  19, 
20,  and  21  ” (35  cts.  each),  which,  besides  many 
other  excellent  recitations,  contain  the  following 
by  Miss  Phelps:  “ Just  Commonplace,”  “ Old  Bene- 
dict Arnold,”  “Scorching  versus  Diamonds,”  “How 
Mr.  Simonson  Took  Care  of  the  Baby,”  “ Just 
Like  Them,”  “ Spinster  Thurber’s  Carpet,”  “ A 
Story  of  Hard  Times,”  “ Firetown’s  New  School- 
house,”  “ A Jolly  Brick,”  and  “ The  Average  Boy.” 


Publishers,  Edgar  S.  Werner  Publishing  & Supply  Co  I,  Incorporated,  43  East  19th  Street,  New  York. 


ROSALIND’S  Surrender. 

By  PAULINE  PHELPS. 

Written  for  and  given  by  Miss  Jeannette  Goodman. 

Copyright,  1901,  by  Edgar  S.  Werner  Publishing  & Supply  Co.  (Inc.) 

Time:  1862. 

Place  : Virginia. 

Present:  Miss  Rosalind  Hamilton. 

Supposed  to  be  present:  Mrs.  Davenport^  her  aunt;  Private 
John  Slocum^  a Union  soldier. 

Scene:  A Southern  sitting-room.  Door,  back;  staircase,  with 

rooms  above  it,  center.  Small  stand  at  L.,  banjo  laid  carelessly  on 
it.  Table  at  R.  center,  holding  basket  with  sewing  materials,  pieces 
of  red  and  blue  party  dresses,  and  Confederate  flag  partly  com- 
pleted. Chair  near  by,  facing  front.  Rosalind  discovered,  talking- 
off  stage,  back. 

Rosalind.  Good-bye,  Aunt.  Have  a nice  time,  and  don’t  hurry 
back  on  my  account.  Pll  find  plenty  to  do.  ^Conies  to  stage  center.] 

I thought  Pd  never  get  her  away.  [Takes  candle  from  shelf,  lights 
it,  and  places  it  at  left  zvmg,  on  stand.]  I wonder  if  he’s  watch- 
ing for  it.  [Returns  to  center.]  If  Aunt  Rebecca  knew  a Union 
soldier  was  coming  to  call  to-night  she’d  never  forgive  me,  but  I 
don  t think  it’s  policy  to  be  uncourteous  to  our  enemies — especially 
an  enemy  you  used  to  make  mud-pies  with  when  you  were  little. 
in  chair,  and  picks  up  sczving  from  table.]  Of  course  I’m  a 


2 


ROSALIND'S  SURRENDER. 


“1  wonder  if  he’s  watching  for  it.” 


ROSALIND'S  SURRENDER. 


3 


“Jack  likes  red  roses  best.” 


4 


ROSALIND'S  SURRENDER. 


Southerner  now — Lm  making  this  flag  to  prove  it.  But  my  father 
was  a Northern  man,  and  my  ancestors  fought  behind  that  old  rail 
fence  at  Bunker  Hill  for  the  Stars  and  Stripes.  Heigho ! if  other 
women  get  as  mixed  up  in  their  feelings  as  I do,  I don’t  wonder 
the  men  think  we  d better  keep  out  of  politics.  [Suddenly  puts 
dozvn  sewings  runs  to  uase  of  dozvers  on  stand  with  banjo,  selects 
red  rose  and  puts  it  in  her  hair.]  Jack  likes  red  roses  best.  [Runs 
to  zvindozv  and  looks  out.]  He’s  dreadfully  slow.  I thought  he’d 
be  just  straining  his  eyes  for  that  light  in  the  window.  [Coming 
dozvn  to  center.]  A soldier  ought  to  be  more  prompt.  [Piteously.] 
Perhaps  he  s forgot  all  about  it.  [Defiantly.]  I don’t  care  if  he  has; 
I dare  say  I 11  have  a much  pleasanter  time  here  alone  by  mvself. 
[PfH  dozvn  m chair  by  table,  and  heaves  a deep  sigh.  Sews  two 
stitches,  glancing  at  the  zvindozv  betzvecn  stitches.  Lays  dozvn 
zvork.]  I ve  a good  notion  to  take  that  candle  out.  [Springing  to 
feet.]  I will!  [Does  .?(7.]  Now  if  he  comes  lie  can  just  go  away 
again — and  he  needn’t  think  I’m  feeling  badly  about  it,  either. 
[Picks  up  banjo  from  stand  and  begins  to  sing  lively  song,  stopping 
abruptly  at  end  of  hrst  verse.]  I thought  I heard  a step.  [Hesi- 
tates, then  gets  candle  and  places  it-^rin  window  again.  Rather 
shamefacedly.]  I I don  t care  about  his  coming'  in,  but  I wouldn’t 
want  him  to  hurt  himself  stumbling  over  that  broken  plank.  [Sings 
next  verse  of  song,  adding  dance  steps,  if  fancied.  Ecstatically.] 
He’s  in  the  hall!  [Sings  chorus,  shozving  to  audience  by  face  and 
manner  that  she  is  azvare  of  his  entrance  to  tlie  room.  Turns  sud- 
denly, stopping  music.]  Why,  Jack,  how  you  startled  me!  I’d  for- 
gotten all  about  you.  [Pause.]  Yes,  Auntie’s  gone  for  the  whole 
evening — if  she  don't  come  back.  [Pause.]  Oh,  no;  she’s  never 
made  the  least  objection  to  your  calling — I presume  because  it  never 
entered  her  head  you’d  have  the  audacity  to  try  it.  You’re  awfully 
sober.  Is  anything  the  matter?  [Pause.]  Well,  then,  I wouldn’t 
act  as  if  there  were,  that’s  all.  [Sits  dozvn  in  chair  beside  table,  and 
picks  up  flag.]  You’ll  excuse  my  sewing.  [Pause,  then  defiantly.] 
Yes,  it’s  a flag — a Southern  flag,  and  Pm  tearing  up  my  old  party 
dresses  to  make  it  for  our  boys  to  carry  against  the  Northern  foe. 
[Pause.]  No,  no.  Jack,  of  course  I don’t  look  at  you  that  way — I 


ROSALIND’S  SURRENDER. 


5 


“W oiild  you  come  over  to  the  South  for  my  sake,  Jack 


6 


ROSALIND’S  SURRENDER. 


couldn’t,  when  I lived  right  beside  you  up  in  Connecticut  till  I was 
twelve  years  old — but  you’re  different  from  the  other  Yankees. 
[Commences  to  seiv,  showing  by  actions  that  she  is  embarrassed  by 
observation.  Lnthreads  needle.]  I wish  you’d  sit  down!  I never 
can  do  anything  right  when  people  are  standing  up  staring  at  me. 
[Panse;  emphatically.]  Well,  when  our  Southern  men  have  some- 
thing to  say,  they — sa}^  it.  [Pause;  then,  half-rising,  agitated  ex- 
pression.] No — no — Jack,  don’t — I didn’t  know  you  meant  that — 1 
didn’t  think  you  cared  for  me — like  that.  [Impulsively,  after  slight 
pause.]  Yes,  yes,  but  I do  like  you — you  know  that — only — have 
you  forgotten?  There’s  a great  barrier  between  us.  I am  a South- 
ern girl,  and  you  a Yankee  officer.  [Pause.  Seriously.]  Would 
you?  Would  you  change  to  the  other  side  for  the  sake  of — of  a girl 
you  loved?  [Pause.  Very  softly.]  You  say  you  care  for  me. 
Would  you  come  over  to  the  South  for  my  sake.  Jack?  [Pause; 
then  in  different  tone.]  Of  course  not — and  I wouldn’t  have  a bit 
of  respect  for  you  if  you  would.  And  don’t  you  suppose  a woman 
cares  just  as  much  for  her  country’s  good  as  a man  for  his?  [Slight 
pause.]  Oh,  I know,  I know — you  think  you  are  in  the  right,  and 
if  I’d  have  stayed  up  there  I presume  I should  think  so,  too;  but 
now  Tm  a Southern  girl,  with  the  Southern  spirit  [holds  flag  with 
gesture  above  her  head]  and  this  flag  will  never  surrender  to  the 
North!  You  see,  Jack — suddenly,  face  expressing  humor- 
ous agitation.]  Good  gracious,  who’s  that?  Auntie,  I’ll  be  bound! 
[Holding  up  finger  zvarningly.]  S-sh-sh  ! Yes,  it  is ; I hear  her 
voice.  [Impetuously.]  Don’t  stand  there  staring — ^^hide  vourself — 
somewhere — anywhere — upstairs  in  the  library — quick!  [Short 
pause.  Indignantly,  speaking  as  if  Jack  zvcrc  half-way  up  the 
stairs.]  Oh,  it’s  all  very  well  to  say  you’d  rather  stay  and  face  it 
out.  It  would  only  mean  five  minutes  for  you,  but  I’d  never  hear 
the  last  of  it.  Hurry,  do^ — shut  the  door — [Looks  upzvard  for  a mo- 
ment, hands  clasped;  then  turns  around.]  Whew!  what  a narrow 
escape.  [With  sudden  recollection.]  His  cap — she’ll  see  it  in  the 
hall ! [Rushes  across  stage  and  out  at  door,  back,  returning  with 
soldier's  cap.  Begins  to  climb  stairs.]  Here,  Jack,  Jack — [Turns 
suddenly,  as  at  some  sound,  sits  dozun  on  stairs,  and  hides  cap  be- 


ROSALIND’S  SURRENDER. 


7 


“S-sh-sh!  Yes,  it  is;  I hear  her  voice.” 


8 


ROSALIND’S  SURRENDER. 


hind  her.]  Wh-wh-why,  Aunt,  is  that  you?  [Pause;  humorous 
struggle  for  composure.]  No,  you  didn’t  startle  me.  Do  I look— 
stiange?  [Pause.]  Well,  I’m  sorry  you  think  the  position  isn’t  be- 
coming. I never  felt  more  captivating  in  my  life.  [Waves  cap  be- 
hind her.  Aside.]  Dear  me,  how’ll  I get  rid  of  it?  [MAth  exag- 
gerated interest.]  Auntie,  I hope  you  didn’t  come  back  on  account 
of  my  being  here  alone,  did  you  ? I wouldn’t  have  had  you  do  it 
for  anything.  [Serious  interest.]  No,  I haven’t  heard  any  news? 
What  do  you  mean ? [Pause.  Intense.]  The  Yankees  have  re- 
ceived maiching  orders — are  planning  to  leave  the  town — to-night? 

I don  t believe  it.  He  d have  told  me — I — I mean  somebody  would 
—"Marching  orders  to-night.”  That  means  a battle,  I suppose,  if 
—if  it’s  true— and  men  are  killed  in  battle.  [Pause;  then  in  differ- 
ent tone.]  Yes,  Aunt,  our  town  will  be  free  of  them — oh,  it’s  glori- 
ous news,  glorious — only  it  took  me  by  surprise.  Yes,  of  course  we 
must  show  our  colors  when  the  Yankees  march  by— I’ll  finish  the 
flag— only— only  you’ll  have  to  go  away.  I must  be  alone  when  I 
sew  fast ! [Pause.]  No,  no,  no,  I don’t  want  you  to  help  me.  [Pa;^- 
tomime  of  zvatching  Aunt  from  room.  Then  turns  tozvard  stair-  ' 
case.]  Jack,  Jack!  She’s  gone!  [Stands  at  foot  of  staircase,  zvith 
hands  clasped.  Intensely.]  Did  you  hear  her?  And  it’s  true— 
you’re  going  away  to-night?  [Pause;  attitude  of  despair.]  This 
is  our  parting?  [Pause.  Subdued  passion.]  Oh,  Jack,  you  ought 
to  have  told  me.  You  oug'ht  to  have  told  me  when  you  first  came 
in.  [Piteously.]  There  were  so  many  things  I might  have  said, 
and  now— there  isn’t  time— [T/zar/  pause.  Tremulous,  but  decided.] 
No,  no,  I can’t,  dear,  I can’t!  I can’t  promise  to  wait  for  you,  I 
can  t hope  for  your  success,  for  you’re  fighting  against  mv  country, 
against  the  boys  in  gray,  but — good-bye.  Jack,  and  God  bless  vou ! 
[Pantomime  of  zvatching  him  depart;  sits  dozvn  in  chair  by  table  for 
a niomenf  or  tzvo ; turns  quickly,  and  begins  sezving.]  What  is  it. 
Aunt?  I’m  finishing  the  flag.  Something  to  help  me  out?  [Goes 
to  door,  returns  zvith  small  packet  in  her  hand.]  Oh,  yes;  thank 
you.  Aunt— yes.  I’ll  finish  it— I’ll  have  it  done.  [Unzvraps  the 
packet,  and  brings  out  a United  States  Hag,  ragged  as  though  torn 
by  bullets  and  zvith  a note  pinned  to  the  folds.]  It’s  a flag— a Union 


ROSALIND'S  SURRENDER. 


9 


10 


ROSALIND’S  SURRENDER. 


flag- — the  one  my  grandfather  carried  in  1812;  and  Aunt  wants  me 
to  take  the  stars  from  that  for  this.  [Touches  Southern  Hag.  Then 
reads  from  note.]  “ Jeffrey  Hamilton,  dying,  bequeathes  this  flag  as 
a precious  legacy  to  his  children  and  his  children  s children,  for- 
ever. May  they  be  faithful  to  it  and  to  their  country.”  [Sits  dozvn, 
flag  m hand.]  Jeffrey  Hamilton  was  my  grandfather — and  my  fa- 
ther, if  he  had  lived,  would  have  been  fighting  with  the  North  to- 
day. [Impulsively.]  Oh,  I can’t  tear  that  flag  apart — I must  find 
something  else.  [Sees  scrap  of  blue  on  door.]  Here,  this  will  do. 
[Cuts  square  and  begins  to  sezu  it  in  dag,  very  rapidly.]  ‘‘May  they 
always  be  faithful  to  it,  and  to  their  country.”  [Sighs.  Calling.] 
Yes,  Aunt,  it’s  almost  done;  Im  putting  in  the  last  stitches. 
[Pause.]  Coming — are  they  coming?  [Listens.]  Yes,  I hear  the 
drums.  [Sound  of  drums  may  be  introduced  outside.  Looks  out 
of  zvmdozv.]  And  there  are  girls  waving  Southern  flags  from  al- 
most every  window.  The  South — the  South — and  no  one  for  the 
North.  [Pause;  turns  impatiently , as  if  Aunt  zvere  talking  to  her 
in  the  same  room.]  Yes,  I hear  you.  Aunt.  I couldn’t  help  it,  un- 
less L wars  stone  deaf ; but  I don’t  choose  to  agree  with  you,  that’s  all. 
[Pause.]  No,  I don’t  consider  them  cowards.  There  are  just  as 
brave  men  among  them  as  there  are  in  our  Southern  army — I know 
it.  [Pause.]  Aunt,  why  can’t  you  be  reasonable?  They  are  fight- 
ing for  what  they  believe  is  right,  same  as  our  boys  in  gray — and 
more  than  that,  they’re  fighting  for  the  Union  flag,  the  flag  they 
love ; the  flag  your  ancestors  and  mine  fought  and  died  for,  a hun- 
died  years  ago.  [Suddenly  turns  back  from  zvindozv,  and  crosses 
to  table.]  I know — I see  them.  Aunt — they’re  passing  the  house — 
yes,  yes,  go  on — go  out  on  the  balcony,  if  you  like.  I’ll  do  my  part — 
I’ll  wave  the  flag  from  this  window,  I promise  you.  [Watehes 
Aunt  leave  room,  takes  Confederate  dag  in  hand;  hesitates,  stops, 
takes  up  Union  dag.  Half-zvhispers.]  But  which  flag.  [Repeats, 
half-uneonseiously.]  “May  they  always  be  faithful  to  their  country 
and  their  flag.”  The  stars  and  bars — the  stars  and  stripes — [Sud- 
denly falls  on  knees.]  Help  me  to  choose — -which — which — [Pause 
for  a second;  then  ''The  Star-Spangled  Banner,”  supposed  to  be 
played  by  the  Union  troops  marching  past,  is  heard,  Rosalind 


ROSALIND'S  SURRENDER. 


II 


"The  flag-  your  ancestors  and  mine  fought  and  died  for  a hundred 

years  ago.” 


OF  ILL  im 


ROSALIND’S  SURRENDER. 


I 2 

springs  to  feet.]  My  answer — the  Star-Spangled  Banner!  [Runs 
to  zvindozv  and  zvaves  Union  dag  frantieally  zvhile  tune  is  playing.] 
I know  which  side  is  right  now — Fm  a Southerner  no  longer.  Fm 
a Unionist — for  the  Stars  and  Stripes!  [Sound  dies  azvay  in  dis- 
tanee.  Rosalind  turns  to  eJiair  by  table,  sinks  dozvn  in  it,  and  be- 
gins to  ery.]  They’re  gone — and  Jack  doesn’t  know — he’ll  never 
know — that  his  flag  and  mine  are  one.  [S^iddenly  turns;  expression 
of  ainajeenient,  of  delight.]  Jack!  [Pazise.]  Why,  I — I thought 
you’d  gone!  [Pause.]  Leave  to  come  back — for  a moment?  Did 
you  see  me,  Jack?  [Pause.]  Yes,  it’s  a Union  flag,  and  it  means 
— it  means — [Wrapping  dag  in  pieturesque  attitude  about  her.]  It 
means  the  South  has  surrendered  to  the  North,  Jack,  and — I’ll  wait 
for  you  forever ! 

[Ciirtain.] 


Thanksgiving  Celebrations 

No*  t*— ENTERTAINMENTS* 

A New  Book  containing  Five  Splendid  Entertainments  for  Thanksgiving  Day 
Celebrations,  and  for  many  other  occasions. 

By  STANLEY  SCHELL. 


I. — Thanksgiving  Entertainment. 

Contents. — i.  Sons;,  “God  Bless  our  Native  Land,”  2 Recitation,  “Birth 
our  Thanksgiving  Day.”  3.  Scripture  Reading.  Selections.  4.  Essay,  “TheStory 
the  Pilgrims  ” 5.  Chorus,  “ The  Landing  ot  the  Pilgrims.’  6.  Recitatioji,  “'I 

Liitle  I'llgrim  ” 7.  Recitation,  “The  Fir.  t Thanksgiving  Day.”  8.  Fresiden 

Thanksgiving  Proclamation.  g.  Chorus,  “Heigh  Ho!  for  Thanksgiving  Da) 
10.  Recitation,  “ Thanksgiving  Thdusophy”  ti.  Recitation,  “The  Pumpkir 
12.  Chorus,  “ The  Ihe  Song”  13.  Entertainment,  “The  Pumpkin  Pie  Makers 
(for  several  little  girls  and  boys).  14.  Chcrus,  “The  Thanksgiving  Turkey 
15.  Recitation  and  Song,  “ The  Spellers,”  ( 1 2 small  folks). 

II. — Thanksgiving  Program. 

Contents. — i.  Chorus,  “ Thanksgiving  for  Harvest ’’ ('suggested).  2.  Dialog  , 
from  “ Bitter  Sweet,”  Joseph's  Story,  (2  girls,  2 boys,  and  several  smaller  childret 
3.  Recitation,  “In  Football  Times.”  4.  Drill,  Dumb  Bell  Drill.  5.  Readin^ 

‘ Ichabod  Crane  at  the  Dinner  Party  at  Heer  Van  Tassel’s.”  6.  Pantomime,  “ Ti 
Witch  s Daughter.” 

III. — Thanksgiving : Past  and  Present. 

A fine  Entertainment  for  25  children.  Introduces  Pilgrims,  Father  Tim 
Brownies,  etc,  Full  description  of  costumes,  stage  decorations,  etc. 

IV. — The  First  Thanksgiving. 

Puritan  Costume  Monologue  for  a woman.  Priscilla,  while  overseeing  tl 
preparations  for  the  first  Thanksgiving  Dinner,  listens  to  Miles  Standish's  propos 
from  the  lips  of  John  Alden,  and  urges  John  to  “ speak  for  himself,”  which  he  dot 

V. — The  Harvest  Home. 

An  exceedingly  fine  Service  of  Song  (20  pages  of  music)  and  Recitations  f( 
Harvest  F'estivals. 

Contents. — i.  Chorus,^'‘0\\  \ Bounteous  God,”  2.  Reading,  “TheSeasons  ” '},So, 
or  Chorus.  “ Lo  ! The  Winter  is  Past.”  4 Reading  or  Recitation,  “An  April  Day 
5.  Chorus,  “ See  the  Golden  Hues  of  Springtime.”  6.  Chorus,  “Sing  We  No 
the  Happy  Story.”  7.  Reading,  Psalm  civ.  (suggested).  8.  Reading,  Parable  ( 
the  Sower  (suggested).  9.  Solo  or  Chorus,  “Give  Us  Thy  Grace.”  10.  Readin 
or  Recitation,  “Flowers.”  ir,  (soprano  and  contralto),  “Everywhere  tb 

Fl>wers  are  Glowing.”  12.  Reading  or  Recitation,  “Autumn.”  13.  Choru. 
“ Earth  with  Autumn’s  Fruit.”  14.  Read 'ng  or  Recitation, Anlnmn."  Choru. 
“ The  Grain  is  Ripe,”  16  Reading  or  Recitation.  “The  Reaper  and  the  Flowers 
17.  Reading,  The  Parable  of.  the  Tares  (suggested).  18.  Solo  (soprano),  “01 
Grant,  Eternal  Lord.”  ig.  Reading,  Psalm  cxlvii.  (suggested).  20.  N<2/6>  (soprano 
“W.iile  the  Earth  Remaineth.”  21.  Solo  (contralto  or  bass),  “Let  Everythin 
That  Hath  Breath.”  22.  Chorus.  “Praise  to  the  Holiest.” 

55  Cents  in  Paper  Binding.  60  Cents  in  Cloth  Binding. 


Address  the  Publishers, 

EDGAR  S.  WERNER  PUBLISHING  & SUPPLY  CO.  (Incorporatec 

43-45  EAST  I9th  STREET,  NEW  YORK. 


Hiawatha  Entertainments. 

By  STANLEY  SCHELL. 


Longfellow’s  beautiful  Indian  legend,  “ Hiawatha,”  was  never  so 
popular  as  at  the  present.  There  is  scarcely  a school  in  the  land  but 
what  is  making  a study  of  Hiawatha  and  his  times.  In  view  thereof  we 
have  prepared  a new  book  containing 

Splendid  Malarial  for  Clubs,  Schools,  Colleges,  Public  or  Private 
Entertainments,  for  Young  or  Old,  for  Little  or  Big  Folks. 


What  is  in  the  Book: 

1.  Hiawatha : A Drama  in  Five  Acts. 

The  strongest  “Hiawatha”  drama  ever  produced.  Introduces  Drills, 
Dances,  Songs,  Tableaux  and  Pantomime.  Suitable  for  any  number 
of  males  and  females,  either  small  or  large.  As  a whole,  it  will  occupy 
an  entire  evening.  Each  of  the  acts  is  arranged  so  that  it  may  be  used 
as  a separate  entertainment,  lasting  from  15  to  25  minutes. 

2.  Hiawatha : A Pantomimed  Reading. 

Consists  of  (i)  Introduction.  (2)  Hiawatha’s  Childhood.  Hiawatha, 
the  Boy.  (4)  Hiawatha’s  Wooing.  (5)  Hiawatha’s  Wedding-feast. 
Requires  a reader  and  any  number  of  males  and  femrles.  Songs  and 
dances  are  introduced.  Full  directions  for  action  are  given. 

3.  Hiawatha  Battling  with  his  Father. 

A dramat'c  scene  for  two  males. 

4.  The  F^amine  : A Pantomime. 

For  any  number  (from  one  to  twelve)  of  males  and  females. 

5.  Hints  on  Costumes  and  Make-up 

For  Hiawatha  and  other  Indian  Characters. 


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Address  the  Publishers, 

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EMMA  DUNNING  BANKS’S 
Original  Recitations  with  Lesson-Talks, 


These  Selections  were  Written  Especially  for  Recitation,  and  afford  Excellent 
Opportunities  for  Poses,  Bird-Tones  and  other  Vocal  Effects. 

The  pupil  is  not  bothered  with  arbitrary  rules,  but  is  taught  in  few  and  plain  words  the 
essential  points  of  the  piece  he  is  learning,  so  that  every  recitation  with  its 
lesson-talk  is  a most  valuable  lesson  in  eiocution. 


AUNT  RHODY’S  DREAM.— Yankee  dialect 
story  of  an  old  woman  who,  having  had  a 
theological  controversy  with  a deacon, 
dreams  that  she  goes  to  heaven  and  finds 
that  the  various  sects  are  simply  doors 
that  all  open  into  the  same  heaven.  Cos- 
tume piece. 

MONEY  MUSK.— Poem  by  Bayard  Taylor. 
Lesson-Talk  by  Mrs.  Banks.— Humorous  ac- 
count of  a country  dance,  affording  oppor- 
tunity for  dance-steps.  Music  given. 

THE  MOTHER’S  EASTER  SCARF.— Story 
of  twins,  one  of  whom  loses  his  arm  in  sav- 
ing the  other  from  a mad  dog.  Both  after- 
ward fall  in  love  with  the  same  girl,  when 
the  one-armed  one  kills  the  other— at  least 
he  thinks  so— but  he  wakes  up  to  find  it  a 
dream,  and  yields  the  girl  to  his  brother. 

A QUART  OF  MILK. — Dutch  dialect  story 
of  a deaf  old  woman  who  hails  a milkman, 
and  he,  mistaking  her  ear-trumpet  for  a 
milk-can,  pours  the  milk  in  it.  Humorous. 

7AN  BIBBER’S  ROCK.— A man  pursued 
by  Indians  jumps  from  a high  rock  into 
the  water,  and  is  rescued  by  his  wife. 

ALINE’S  LOVE  SONG. — A courting  scene, 
introducing  singing ; music  given.  Co- 
quettish, and  specially  suitable  for  encores. 

PRINCE  ERIC’S  CHRIST-MAID.— Eric  of- 
fers his  hand  to  her  who  sends  the  fairest 
lilies  on  Easter  Day.  Knowing  the  skill  of 
Lady  Constance,  he  is  sure  of  her  success. 
A plot  results  in  her  supposed  death,  and 
she,  covered  with  lilies,  is  about  to  be 
buried,  but  is  restored  to  life. 

RUTHIE’S  FAITH  IN  PRAYER.-A  little 
girl  buries  her  doll,  and  prays  for  another 
one  and  gets  it.  Suitable  to  be  recited 
before  children. 

grandma  ROBBINS’S  TEMPERANCE 
MSSION.— A stirring  temperance  recita- 
tion, introducing  a prayer.  Grandma 
Robbins  is  a host  in  herself,  and  the  char- 
acter of  Charlie  appeals  to  every  one. 
Pathetxc  with  a happy  ending. 


Nicely  printed  and 


A SQUEEZE  IN  THE  DARK.— Humorous 
Irish  dialect.  Impersonation  of  both  male 
and  female  voices.  Coquettish,  merry, 
and  sime  to  please. 

FLOSSIE  LANE’S  MARRIAGE.— Story  of 
runaway  lovers  who,  pursued  by  her 
father,  get  married  on  the  train. 

THE  SOLDIER’S  JOY.-Recitation  similar 
to  “ Money  Musk.”  with  music.  Extremely 
popular  ; introduces  a girl  first  as  a child, 
later  as  the  woman  who  becomes  instead 
of  the  soldier’s  a husband’s  joy. 

A LEGEND  OF  ROSE  SUNDAY.— A pastor 
supposing  his  affianced  to  be  dying  in  a 
distant  place,  is  happily  surprised  on  en- 
tering the  church  on  Rose  Sunday  to  find 
her  there  fully  restored  to  health. 

FLiaNG  JIM’S  LAST  LEAP.— A pursued 
criminal,  who,  in  return  for  kindness  she 
has  shown  him,  rescues  a little  girl  from  a 
burning  building  and  loses  his  life. 

BRIDGET’S  MISSION  JUG.— Irish  dialect 
recitation,  suited  to  missionary  gatherings. 

DOT’S  CHRISTMAS;  OR  THE  SOBER 
H-AT. — A Christmas  temperance  selection. 
Fine  opportunity  for  characterization,  and 
suitable  for  church,  parlor  or  stage. 

LAUREAME;  the  MARBLE  DREAM  - 
A statue  costume  recitation  on  the  style 
of  “Pygmalion and  Galatea,”  introducing 
music ; dramatic. 

ONE  THANKSGRHNG  DAY  OUT  WEST.- 
Story  of  a young  frontiersman,  who,  on 
returning  home  through  the  woods  at 
night,  is  attacked  by  wolves. 

MEIN  KATRINE’S  BRUDDER  HANS. — 
Humorous  Dutch  dialect.  Very  funny 
story  and  situations.  Suitable  for  gentle- 
men. 

PRINCESS  IMRA  A^’D  THE  GOATHERD— 
Story  of  a prince,  who,  disguised  as  a goat 
herd,  wins  a princess.  Has  bell-tones. 


Teachers’s  price  $1,10  by 


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A Text -Book  that 
meets  the  requirements 
of  Twentieth  Century- 
Elocution  iS  ^ ^ ^ ^ 

Action. 

By  F,  TOWNSEND  SOUTHWICK* 

Used  b\J  /Vlan^  of  the  beading  Schools  of  English^ 
Speaking  America. 


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Werners  Readings  and  l^ecitMions, 

No.  25. 

The  Twenty  fifth  Number  of  the  best  series  of  Recitation  Books  ever  published.  Full  descriptive 
contents  seat  free  on  application.  See  below  for  special  offer  for  the  entire  series. 


f What  is  in  rslo.  25  : ; 

Classic.— I.  His  Majesty  the  King,  2.  Well  of  St.  Keyne.  3.  Ember  Picture.  4.  Sensitive  Plant, 

5.  Little  Gavroche. 

: Dramatic.— I.  Silly  Billy.  2.  Guenn.  3.  Disallusionizing  of  Alexander  Oldworthy.  4.  Aunt 

: Deborah  Hears  “The  Messiah.”  5.  Spelling  Match  at  Grande  Pointe.  6.  Provider.  7.  How 

Norman  Won  the  Race.  8.  Wonderful  Dog  Story.  9.  Jackanapes.  10.  David  and  Goliath. 
II.  Professor’s  Ball  Game.  12.  Bill.  13.  Building  of  the  Barn.  14.  Mt.  Pisgah’s  Christmas 
’Possum. 

Hum»»r<>iis — i.  Foreigners  at  the  Fair.  2.  Arkansas  Farmer.  3.  His  Majesty  the  King.  4.  Ir- 
repressible Boy.  5.  Our  New  Servant.  6.  Conjure  Woman.  7.  New  Woman  Considered. 

8.  Well  of  St.  Keyne.  9.  Disallusi  mizing  of  Alexander  Oldworthy.  10.  Spelling  Match  at. 
Grande  Pointe.  ii.  Queer  Word.  12.  Wonderful  Dog  Story.  13.  Courtship  of  Mr.  Bumble 
and  Mrs.  Corney.  14.  Meeting  of  the  Clabberhuses.  15.  Professor’s  Ball  Game.  16.  After  the 
Wedding.  17.  Partial  Critic.  18.  Good  Measure.  19.  Night  Wind.  20.  Mr.  Barker’s  Picture. 
21.  New  Girl’s  Logic.  22.  Ethelinda’s  Recitations  23.  Little  Gavroche.  24.  Pards.  25.  Weather 
Bureau.  20.  “ Hangin’  On.”  27.  Which  General?  28.  Mt.  Pisgah's  Christmas  ’Possum. 
29.  Under-Prefect. 

Pathetic.— I.  Silly  Billy.  2.  Tim’s  Madonna.  3.  Borrowed  Child.  4.  Lost  Kiss.  5.  Before  the  Tov 
; Shop  Window.  6.  Provider.  7.  Jackanapes.  8.  Bill.  9.  Pards.  10.  Building  of  the  Barn. 

Dialect.— I.  Silly  Billy  (child),  2.  Foreigners  at  the  Fair  (mixed).  3.  Dead  Pussy  Cat  (child), 
d.  Arkansas  Partner  (Western).  5.  Tim’s  Madonna  (street  gamin).  6.  His  Majesty  the  King 
I (child).  7.  Borrowed  Child  (child).  8.  Conjure  Woman  (negro).  9.  Before  the  Toy  Shop 

t Window  (country ).  10.  Aunt  Deborah  Hears  “ The  Messiah  ” (Yankee),  ii.  Spelling  Match  at 

f Grande  Pointe  (Creole).  12.  Provider  (Irish).  13.  This  Old  Country  (country).  14.  “ Pa  Never 

Does”  (child).  15.  Bill  (Western).  16.  Good  Measure  (negro).  '17.  Little  Gavroche  (street 
gamin  and  child).  18.  Pards  (street  gamin).  19.  “Rangin’  On”  (negro).  20.  Mt.  Pisgah’s 
t Christmas’  Possum  (negro). 

Children.-FOR  Children  : I.  Which  General?  (boy).  2.  Pards  (boy).  3.  “ Pa  Never  Does”  (boy). 
4.  Tim’s  Madonna  (boy).  5.  Dead  Pussy  Cat  (girl).  ABOUT  Children  : 6.  Washington’s  Kiss 
: (girl).  7.  Little  Highland  Shepherdess  (girl).  8.  Weather  Bureau  (girl).  9.  Little  Gavroche 

(boy).  10.  Ethelinda’s  Recitations  (girl),  ii.  Queer  Word  (baby  girl).  12.  Provider  (boy). 
13.  Before  the  Toy  Shop  Window  , (boy).  14.  Lost  Kiss  (gi.'l).  15.  Irrepressible  Boy  (boy). 

: 16.  His  Majesty  the  King  (boy).  17.  Silly  Billy  (boy  and  girl). 

‘ ^ Sunday  Selections.— i.  Tim’s  Madonna.  2.  Jackanapes.  3.  Long  Felt  Want.  4.  David  and 
^ Goliath.  5.  Night  Wind.  6.  St.  Agnes’  Eve.  7.  Pards.  8.  Mt.  Pisgah's  Christmas  'Possum. 
; 9.  Effects  of  Intemperance. 

Ttible  Selection. — David  and  Goliath. 

Temperance.— Effects  of  Intemperance. 

Costume  citations.— i.  Conjure  Woman  (negro  boy  or  girl).  2.  Aunt  Deborah  Hears  “The 

Messiah”  (.New  England  woman).  3.  Before  the  Toy  Shop  Window  (countryman),  4.  This 
Old  Country  (countryman).  5.  St.  Agnes' Eve  (pure  white  costume). 

Love  Selections.— I.  His  Majesty  the  King.  2.  Love’s  Calendar.  3.  Courtship  of  Mr.  Bumble 
and  Mrs.  Corney.  4.  Twilight.  5.  “Hangin’ On.”  6.  Union,  A. 

Orations.— 1.  Effects  of  Intemperance.  2.  New  South. 

Patriotic — i.  This  Old  Country.  2.  Which  General  ? 3.  Washington’s  Kiss. 

War. — Jackanapes.  * 

Washington  Day.— i.  Which  General  ? 2.  Washington’^  Kiss. 

'Vaudeville. — i.  Conjure  Woman.  2.  Mr.  Barker’s  Picture.  3.  “ Hangin’  On.” 

Woman  Suffrage.- r.  New  Woman  Considered.  2.  Meeting  ot  the  Clabberhuses.  3.  New 
Girl  s Logic. 

Christmas  Selections.— 1.  Tim’s  Madonna.  4.  Mt.  Pisgah's  Christmas  ’Possum.  5.  Pards. 

6.  Aunt  Deborah  Hears  “The  Messiah.” 

Encores.  — I.  Dead  Pussy  Cat.  2.  Irrepressible  'Boy.  3.  Conjure  Woman.  4.  Too  Old  for 
Father’s  Kisses,  5.  Cricket  6.  “Pa  Never  Does”  7.  After  the  Wedding.  8.  Partial  Critic. 

9.  Good  Measure.  10.  Night  Wind  n.  Weather  Bureau.  12.  “Hangin’  On.”  13.  Which 
General  ? 

Dialogue — New  Woman  Considered  (eight  boys  and  one  girl). 

Arbor  Day  .—Sensitive  Plant. 

French.— L’Ange  Qui  Veille. 

Racing  Piece.— How  Norman  Won  the  Race  (bicycle), 

I-  35  Cents  in  Paper  Binding;  60  Cents  in  Cloth  Binding. 

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' EDGAR  S.  WERNER  PUBLISHING  AND  SUPPLY  CO.  (Incorporated), 

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Jennie  O’Relll  potter’s  famous  monologue 


A Monologue  in  Eight  Tableaux  illustrating  the  life 
of  a modern  Society  Woman 


I Tableau  1 
I The  Nursery  Queen 


Tableau  6 
The  Wife 


Tableau  2 
The  Vassar  Girl 


Tableau  7 
The  Mother 


Tableau  3 
The  Bud 


Tableau  8 
The  Grandmother 


Tableau  4 
The  Belle 


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Copyright,  1903,  by  Edgar  S.  Werner 


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ROBERT  H.  HATCH’S  RECITALS 

Price  40  Cents 

TKis  is  a collection  of  recitations  tKat  have  made 

GREAT  HITS 

With  very  few  exceptions  the  pieces  in  this  book  cannot  be  fovind  in  any  other 
recitation  book,  many  of  them  having  been  written  especially  for  Mr.  Hatch. 

A FEW  OF  THE  PIECES  ARE; 

"LORIS  IPANOFF’S  STORY.”  The  most  thrilling  scene  from  Sardou’s  famous  play  of  “Fe- 
dora,” played  by  Fanny  Davenport,  Bernhardt,  Duse. 

** TIGER  LILY’S  RACE.”  A most  spirited  horse-race  scene  from  Mary  H.  Fiske’s  play  of 
‘‘  Philip  Herne,”  played  by  Joseph  Haworth. 

*‘T0-M0RR0W  at  ten.”  a Newport  idyl — a dainty,  romantic  monologue  for  a woman.  An 
elaborate  analysis  is  in  IVerner’s  Magazine,  June,  1894. 

**IN  A ROSE  GARDEN.”  By  the  Marquise  Clara  Lanza.  A charming,  romantic  poem.  A man 
recalls  his  first  love  and  how  he  learned  of  her  faithlessness. 

“THE  SCULPTOR’S  VISION.”  By  Mrs.  John  Sherwood.  A fine  poem  showing  that  we  reach 
our  greatest  possibilities  by  working  not  for  ambition,  but  for  love  and  gratitude.  Most  suitable 
for  religious,  as  well  as  for  other  occasions. 

"SACKCLOTH  AND  ASHES.”  By  Henry  Baldwin.  An  extremely  slever  society  skit  in  prose. 
Full  of  humor  and  satire. 

"THE  RIVALS.”  By  W.  A.  Eaton.  A humorous  poem  of  how,  while  two  suitors  are  duelling,  the 
girl  marries  another  man,  and  appears  with  him  to  stop  the  duel. 

“HIS  UNBIASED  OPINION.”  By  Grace  Livingston  Furniss.  Humorous  duologue  between 
a critic  and  an  author.  The  critic,  not  knowing  to  whom  he  is  talking,  riddles  the  book  mosi 
unmercifully. 

"THE  NIGHT  MAIL  NORTH.”  Intensely  dramatic  poem  of  a messenger’s  ride  to  stay  the 
execution  of  an  innocent  man. 


Sent  postpaid  on  receipt  of  tKe  price  by  the  Publishers 

Edgar  S.  Werner  & Company,  43  East  Ipth  Street,  New  \^ork 


CDc  Cook. 


HUMOROUS  MONOLOGUE  IN  IRISH  DIALECT  FOR  A LALY* 


By  Pauline  Phelps. 


Copyright,  1899,  by  Edgar  S.  Werner. 


1 1 


I AM  the  cooh.  An’  it’s  not  becomin’  in  any  of  thim  second- 
handed girls  or  second  girls  or  housemaids  to  be  a-dressin’ 
up  in  their  silks  an’  satins  an’  pertindin’  they’re  above  me,  for 
I’d  not  demane  mesilf  doin’  the  kind  of  work  they  hev  to,  unless 
’twas  out  of  the  kindness  of  me  heart.  Says  Mr.  de  Smythe 
when  he  come  down  to  the  office  to  hire  me,  says  he,  a-puffin’  of 
himsilf  out  an’  talkin’  ’way  down  in  his  boots  : 

“ Well,  Bridget,”  says  he,  what  can  ye  do 
Says  I:  “I  can  cook!  An’  if  you’re  wantin’  anybody  to  play 
the  pianny  an’  entertain  your  guests.  I’ll  say  in  the  beginnin’  it 
ain’t  the  place  I’m  lookin’  fur.” 

Says  he:  “Mrs.  Eeginald  de  Smythe  wants  a woman  that 
thoroughly  understands  her  position.  ” 

Says  I:  “ Don’t  let  that  worry  ye  a mite.  I am  the  cook,  an’ 
I understhand  it,  an’  if  the  other  folks  in  the  house  don’t  I’ll 
bang  it  into  their  heads,  thrust  Bridget  O’Flannigan  for  that.” 
Says  he:  “ What  wages  do  ye  require  ? ” 

Says  I:  “ Five  dollars  a week  an’  board  an’  three  afthernoons 
an'  Sundays  out,  an’  the  use  of  the  back  sitting-room  Sunday 
evenings  to  intertain  me  brothers,  who  might  drop  in  to  see  me, 
an’  anybody  as  wants  to  pass  through  must  cough  before  they 
open  the  door,  to  save  the  feelin’s  of  ns  both.” 

An’  upon  that  he  hired  me,  an’  I took  my  place  with  his 
fam’ly,  which  was  only  himsilf  an’  wife ; an’  we  got  along  without 


THE  COOK. 


a wurrd,  till  one  day  the  second  girl  comes  to  me  with  her  face 
all  drawn  down  an’  says  she : 

‘‘Oh,  me  stiddy,  John  Jonfes,  has  got  an  afthernoon  o:ff  an* 
he’s  wantin’  me  to  go  down  to  Coney  Island  with  him  to  see  the 
sights.” 

Says  I : “Well,  what  are  ye  sni  veilin’  over  it  fur  ? ” 

Says  she:  “Because  it  ain’t  my  afthernoon  off,  an’  the  mis* 
thress  is  expectin’  Mrs.  de  Lancy  to  call  on  her  an’  I’ve  got  to 
sthay  an’  open  the  door.” 

Says  I:  “ If  that’s  all;  go  along.  Juist  give  me  your  cap  an’ 
apron,  an’  I’ll  open  the  door  mesilf.” 

Says  she:  “The  missus  won’t  like  it.  ” 

Says  I : “ / urn  the  cook  ; an’  if  I’ll  so  far  demane  me  position 
as  to  open  the  door  for  yez,  it  ain’t  fur  the  loikes  of  her  to  find 
fault.” 

An’  that  afthernoon  when  Mrs.  de  Lancy  called  I ushered  her 
in  in  me  best  stoile,  makin’  a foine  curtsey  at  the  door,  an’ 
says  I : 

“ Here’s  Mrs.  de  Lancy  called  to  see  ye,  ma’am,  an’  I know 
ye’ll  be  that  tickled  ye’ll  be  ready  to  jump  out  of  yer  skin  ! ” 

An’  says  she,  makin’  a gesture  fur  me  to  git  out  of  the  way, 
which  I didn’t  pay  no  attintion  to,  not  bein’  a lap-dog  : “Dear 
Mrs.  de  Lancy,  what  a happiness  ! ” 

But  the  minute  she  was  gone  she  wint  fur  me. 

“ Wan  more  such  ofiinse  as  this  will  deprive  you  of  your  posi- 
tion,” says  she.  “Your  business  is  not  to  volunteer  information 
or- to  wait  upon  callers.  What  Mrs.  de  Lancy  thinks  of  me 
establishment.,  hivin  only  knows.” 

“ Shure,  ma’am,”  says  I,  “ I wouldn’t  have  meddled  with  it  if 
it  hadn’t  been  that  Mary  wanted — ” 

“ There,  that  will  do.  Me  palpitation  is  cornin’  on  again.  In 


THE  COOK. 


fntnre,  if  the  prisidint  of  the  United  Sthates  wants  ye  to  open 
the  door,  tell  him  ye’re  the  cook,  an’  refuse.” 

“ Share,  if  that’s  who  ye’re  expectin’,”  says  I,  ‘‘  I am  a Dim- 
mycrat^  an’  wouldn’t  like  no  better  opportunity  than  to  sass 
him.” 

With  that  the  conversation  ended. 

An*  that  night  I shut  the  cat  up  in  the  dinin’-room  (which 
was  next  to  the  missus’  bedroom),  for  we’d  been  that  pestered 
with  mice  I was  goin’  to  clear  thim  out,  an’  wint  to  bed  an’  had 
the  most  illegant  drame  of  bein’  down  to  Coney  Island  with  me 
stiddiest.  We  was  a-waltzin*  in  the  ballroom  as  foine  as  ye  plaze, 
whin  all  of  a sudden  the  bandmaster  turned  into  a black  alligator 
a-clutchin’ me  by  the  shoulder.  “Murder!”  says  I.  “Wake 
up ! ” says  he.  An’  upon  that  I opened  me  eyes  an’  there  was 
the  chambermaid  a-shakin’  me. 

“ Come  down-stairs,  for  hivin’s  sake!  ” says  she.  “ There’s 
burglars  in  the  house,  an’  the  masther  is  out  to  the  club,  an*  the 
misthress  is  near  goin’  into  hyster-i-strikes ! ” 

An’  whin  I got  down  to  her  bed-room  there  was  she  an’  Mary 
an’  the  second  girl  all  up  on  chairs,  an’  from  the  nixt  door  was 
cornin’  a most  awful  rumpus,  things  crashin’  an’  smashin’ — 

“ Oh,”  says  the  misthress,  a-runnin’  in  the  corner  an’  pullin’ 
two  chairs  in  front  of  her,  “we’ll  all  be  murdered  in  our  beds, 
an’  thin  Mr.  de  Smythe  will  be  sorry  he  was  too  stingy  to  keep  a 
butler.  Haven’t  any  of  yez  got  spirit  to  do  somethin*  to  save 
as?  Oh,  Bridget,  open  the  front  door  an’  yell  for  the  perlice 
an’  I’ll  raise  yer  wages ! Oh,  darlirC  Bridget — 

Says  I:  “ / am  the  cook^  an’  I'd  not  open  that  door  fur  the 
prisident  of  the  United  States.” 

Just  thin  there  come  a tremendous  thump  an*  crash  from  the 
dinin’-room,  an’  they  all  squealed  together  like  hivin  possessed, 


0 OF  ILL  LIB. 


4 


THE  COOK. 


an’  upon  that  there  was  a noise  at  the  front  door,  an’  someone 
yelled : 

“ What’s  the  matter  in  here  ? Let  me  in,  I say.” 

“ They’re  his  conthrahands ! ” yells  the  misthress. 

“ Fire !”  yells  Mary. 

Perlice!  ” yells  the  second  girl. 

“ Stop  that!  Open  the  door,  I say  If  ye  don’t  open  it  I’ll 
break  it  in. 

An’  with  that  the  latch  gave  way,  an’  two  perlicemen,  with 
their  clubs,  rushed  into  the  room. 

“Me  preservers,”  says  the  misthress,  “they’re  stalin’  the 
silver.” 

“ Where?”  says  they. 

“ In  there,”  says  she. 

“ Keep  your  club  ready.  Bill,  to  knock  ’em  if  they  try  to  rush. 
Now  thin,  come  out  here,  ye  thievin’  blackguards!” 

An’  wit  thath  he  opened  the  door  a crack,  an’  out  jumped — 

“ Hivins!  ” says  the  misthress,  “ it’s  the  cat!  ” 

Says  I:  “ An’  what  else  did  ye  think  it  was  ? " 

“I  believe  ye  knew  it  all  the  time,”  says  she. 

“ I did,”  says  I. 

“ I’ve  a good  notion  to  arrest  ye,  ye  spalpeen,”  says  she.  “Oh, 
here’s  me  palpitation  cornin’  on  again,  an’  me  hair  up  in  curl 

papers Oh,  why  didn’t  you  tell  me,  ye  cruel,  ungrateful — ” 

Says  I:  “ / am  the  cooJc^  an  I was  attindin’  to  me  own  estah- 
lishmenty  an’  if  ye  don’t  have  a special  woman  to  be  openin’ doors 
for  yez,  it  ain’t  no  place  for  me.  I bid  ye  good  day,  ma’am.” 
An’  I wiht  up-stairs  an’  packed  up,  an’  hain’t  niver  been  there 
since. 

An’  now  I’ve  a situation  in  a hotel  with  sixteen  chambermaids, 
3,n’  I am  the  cooh  an’  run  the  place. 


WERNER'S  READINGS  AND  RECITATIONS 

NO.  25 

The  Twenty- fifth  Number  of  the  best  series  of  Recitation  Books  ever  published.  Full  list 
of  contents  sent  free  on  application. 


What  is  in  No.  25: 

Classic. —I.  His  Majesty  the  vv  cu  oi  ssi.  Keyne.  3.  Ember  Picture.  4-  Sensitive  Plant. 

5.  Little  Gavroche. 

Dramatic. — i.  Silly  Billy.  2.  Guenn.  3.  Disallusionizing  of  Alexander  Oldworthy.  4.  Aunt 
Deborah  Hears  “The  Messiah.”  5.  Spelling  Match  at  Grande  Pointe.  6.  Provider.  7.  How 
Norman  Won  ^e  Race.  8.  Wonderful  Dog  Story,  q.  Jackanapes.  10.  David  and  Goliath. 
II.  Professor’s  call  Game.  12.  Bill.  13.  Building  of  the  Barn.  14.  Mt.  Pisgah’s  Christmas 
’Possum. 

Humorous.— I.  Foreigners  at  the  Fair.  2.  Arkansas  Farmer.  3.  His  Majesty  the  King.  4.  Ir- 
repressible Boy.  5.  Our  New  Servant.  6.  Conjure  Woman.  7.  New  Woman  Considered. 

8.  Well  of  St.  Keyne.  q.  L'isallusi  mixing  of  Alexander  Oldworthy.  10.  Spelling  Match  at 
Grande  Pointe.  ii.  Queer  Word.  12.  Wonderful  Dog  Story.  13.  Courtship  of  Mr.  Bumble 
And  Mrs.  Corney.  14?  Meeting  of  the  Clabberhuses.  is-  Professor’s  Ball  Game.  16.  After  the 
Wedding.  17.  Partial  Critic.  18.  Good  Measure.  19.  Night  Wind.  20.  Mr.  Barker’s  Picture. 
21.  New  Girl’s  Logic.  22.  Ethelin  ia’s  Recitations  23.  Little  Gavroche.  24.  Pards  25.  Weather 
Bureau.  20.  “Hangin’  On.”  27.  Which  General?  28.  Mt.  Pisgah's  Christmas  ’Possum. 
29.  Under-Prefect. 

Pathetic.— I.  Silly  Billy.  2.  Tim’s  Madonna.  3.  Borrowed  Child.  4.  Lost  Kiss.  5.  Before  the  Toy 
Shop  Window.  6.  Provider.  7.  Jackanapes.  8.  Bill.  9.  Pards.  10.  Building  of  the  Barn. 
Dialect. — i.  Silly  Billy  (child).  2.  Foreigners  at  the  Fair  (mixed).  3.  Dead  Pussy  Cat  (child). 
A.  Arkansas  Farmer  ( Western).  5.  Tim’s  Madonna  (street  gamin).  6.  His  Majesty  the  King 
(child).  7.  Borrowed  Child  (child).  8.  Conjure  Woman  (negr^).  9.  Before  the  Toy  Shop 
Window  (country ).  10.  Aunt  Deborah  Hears  “ The  Messiah  ” (Yankee),  ii.  Spelling  Match  at 
Grande  Pointe  (Creole).  12.  Provider  (Irish).  13.  This  Old  Country  (country).  14.  “ Pa  Never 
Does”  (child).  15.  Bill  (Western).  16.  Good  Measure  (negro).  17.  Little  Gavroche  (street 
gamin  and  child).  18.  Pards  (street  gamin).  19.  “Hangin’  On”  (negro).  2c.  Mt.  Pisgah’s 
Christmas’  Possum  (negro). 

Children.— For  Children  : i.  Which  Cleneral?  (boy).  2.  Pards  (boy).  3.  “ Pa  Never  Does”  (bov). 
4.  Tim’s  Madonna  (boy).  Dead  Pussy  Cat  (girl).  About  Children  : 6.  Washington’s  Kiss 
(girl).  7.  Little  Highland  Shepherdess  (girl).  8.  Weather  Bureau  (girl),  g.  Little  Gavroche 
(boy).  10.  Ethelinda’s  Recitations  (girl),  ii.  Queer  Word  (baby  girl).  12.  Provider  (boy). 
13.  Before  the  Toy  Shop  Window  (boy).  14.  Lost  Kiss  (gi.l).  15.  irrepressible  Boy  (boy). 
16.  His  Majesty  the  King  (boy).  17.  Silly  Billy  (boy  and  girl). 

.Sunday  Selections — i.  Tim’s  Madonna.  2.  Jackanapes.  3.  Long  Felt  Want.  4.  David  and 
Goliath.  5.  Night  Wind.  6.  St.  Agnes’  Eve.  7.  Pards.  8.  Mt.  Pisgah’s  Christmas  ’Possum. 

9.  Effects  of  Intemperance. 

■**ible  Selection. — David  and  Goliath. 

Temperance — Effects  of  Intemperance. 

Costume  Recitations. — i.  Conjure  Woman  (negro  boy  or  girl).  2.  Aunt  Deborah  Hears  “ The 
Messiah”  tNew  England  woman).  3.  Before  the  Toy  Shop  Window  (countryman).  4.  This 
Old  Country  (countryman).  5.  St.  Agnes’ Eve  (pure  white  costume). 
liOve  Sele'etions.— I.  His  Majesty  the  King.  2.  Love's  Calendar.  3.  Courtship  of  Mr.  Bumble 
and  Mrs.  Corney.  4.  Twilight.  5.  “Hangin’ On.”  6.  Union,  A. 

Orations.— I.  Effects  of  Intemperance.  2.  New  South. 

Patriotic.— I.  This  Old  Country.  2.  Which  General  ? 3.  Washington’s  Kiss. 

War. — Jackanape.'i 

Washington  Day. — i.  Which  General  ? 2.  Washington's.  Kiss. 

Vaudeville. — i.  Conjure  Woman.  2.  Mr  Barker’s  Picture.  3.  “ Hangin’  On.” 

Woman  Suffrage.- 1.  New  Woman  Considered.  2.  Meeting  ot  the  Clabberhuses.  3.  New 
Girl  s Logic. 

Christmas  Selections.— i,  Tim’s  Madonna.  4.  Mt.  Pisgah’s  Christmas  ’Possum.  5.  Pards 

6.  Aunt  Deborah  Hears  “The  Messiah.” 

Encores.  — 1.  Dead  Pussy  Cat.  2.  Irrepressible  Boy.  3.  Conjure  Woman.  4.  Too  C)ld  for 
Father’s  Kisses.  5.  Cricket  6.  “Pa  Never  (Does”  7.  After  the  Wedding.  8.  Partial  Critic, 
g.  Good  Measure.  10.  Night  Wind  u.  Weather  Bureau.  12.  “Hangin’  On”  13.  Which 
General  ? 

Dialogue.— New  Woman  Considered  (eight  boys  and  one  girl). 

Arbor  Dav  — Sensitive  Plant. 

French. — L’Ange  Qui  Veille. 

Racing  Piece.— How  Norman  Won  the  Race  (bicycle). 

50  Cents  in  Paper  Binding;  80  Cents  in  Cloth  Binding. 


SIXTEEN  PLAYS,  each  play  having  two 
characters,  bound  IN  ONE  VOLUME,  50c. 
in  paper,  80c, . in  cloth  binding,  postpaid.  ::  ::  :: 


THESE  PLAYS  ARE: 

•BACKWARD  CHILD.”  2 f . 

“BOX  OF  POWDERS.”  i m.,  i f. 

“ BREAKING  THE  ICE.”  i m.,  if. 

“CONFEDERATES.”  i m.,  i f. 

‘CRYSTAL- GAZER.”  2 f . 

“FAST  FRIENDS.”  2 f. 

“HAPPY  ENDING.”  2 f. 

“ HE,  SHE,  AND  IT.”  I m.,  i f. 

‘HUSBAND  IN  CLOVER.”  i m.,  if. 

“MORNING  CALL.”  i m.,  i f. 

“NETTLE,  THE.”  i m.,  i f. 

“PAIR  OF  LUNATICS.” 

‘SHOW  OF  HANDS.”  i m.,  if. 

“THOSE  LANDLADIES.”  2 f . 

“TWO  TOLLY  GIRL  BACHELORS.”  2 f. 
“VILLAIN  AND  VICTIM.”  i m.,  i f. 

ANY  OF  THESE  PLAYS  SENT 
IN  SEPARATE  FORfl  FOR  15  CENTS,  POSTPAID 


I f. 


All  of  these  plays  are  printed  in  large  clear  type,  from 
new  plates,  with  text  and  stage  business  edited  and 
revised  expressly  for  us  by  PAULINE  PHELPS 
and  MARION  SHORT,  Authors  of  David  Belasco  s 
New  York  success,  Grand  Army  Man."  ::  ::  :: 


ADDRESS  THE  PUBLISHERS 

EDGAR  S.  WERNER  & COMPANY 

NEW  YORK 


